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MARKET VENDOR: Dealing with flight and football issues

rhondathompson, [email protected]

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TODAY I write this article as I am stuck in Curacao awaiting the outcome of some sort of illness which has curiously gripped the majority of pilots of a certain much maligned regional airline – causing havoc to the airline’s schedule and red ink to flow all over their accounts as they put up weary passengers on other airlines where available and in hotel rooms for the duration of the sickness. I only hope the sickness eases because I don’t like unhappy pilots. Unhappy pilots on any airline make me very nervous. Can you imagine the fella flying the plane being upset,? It is not a nice thought, so LIAT try and sort things out with the pilots. A vex pilot can be like a maxi taxi driver on the road except I can get out of the maxi but I cannot exactly say “look, I don’t like how you handling this plane drop me off here”. So I checking out the scene here, and so far I like what I see. This place clean, packed with plenty tourists and the price of an upscale property could only buy a board and shingle chattel house in Bubbadus. I like the fact that them does take a siesta in the middle of the day for two hours then go back to work, and they does get vacation pay in June whether they go on vacation or not and in December more pay as bonus. Crime real low and the food, like the ladies, real nice. So while many of wunnah might be celebrating my current predicament, I not worried. I got endless windows to the sea and the World Cup on and everybody like them fire de wuk. In the meantime, as a public service I am sending out the new rules to govern households til about mid July 2010. After that things can go back to normal and we can write, holler and bellyache bout the West Indies cricket team and humbug Brass Tacks all day long. If adhered to, these rules will ensure that many of my lawyer friends are kept idle for a while, the police will not have to respond to domestic disturbances and priests will not be required to mediate in family disputes. So here goes:Dear Wife / Sweetheart /Girl Friend / Partner / Mother/ whomever it may concern,1. Between 11 June and 11 July 2010, read the sports section of the Nation to be aware what is going regarding the world of football. Arguments avoided.2. During the World Cup, the television is MINE, AT ALL TIMES, WITHOUT ANY EXCEPTIONS. 3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor without distracting me. 4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require something to eat. I will not open the door or answer the telephone. It WON’T happen. 5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least two six-packs in the fridge at all times. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12 a.m. and 6 a.m.6. Please! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, it’s only a game”. Remember, divorce is permanent. 7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch ONE game and you can talk to me during halftime, but only when the commercials are on. 8. The goal replays are important. I want to see them again, many times! 9. Tell your friends NOT to have babies or gatherings requiring my attendance. 10. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying “but you have already seen this,” because the reply will be, “Refer to Rule #2 of the list”.• Market Vendor gone fuh now, you have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear!