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I CONFESS: Leading her on brings trouble


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I MUST SAY THAT though women are for the most part selfish individuals who tend to care only about themselves, their children and family’s needs, it is we men who have them so.As a man, I say so without apology.And if you guys were really honest about what you do, as I am, you would own up to what I’m saying too.Think about it, fellows: we have wives and women who are treating us well, but we go and get another one because we can. We then tell this deputy all sorts of things about our wife or woman – a lot of which aren’t true – and this makes her feel she has a real chance of getting us, so she starts harassing our staunch lady.Or we have a deputy and begin sleeping out at her, paying all of her bills – so you know you have to sweat that back out – and because we are with her all the time, she figures that our “staunch” is nobody and begins to disrespect her.I could give you a bundle of other examples, but I think you understand what I’m getting at. That is, a woman can’t get your love unless you give it to her. A woman can’t know anything about your family life unless you tell her.
Phone calls home
And a woman wouldn’t be bold-faced enough to call your wife or woman and harass her unless she got the cue from you that you don’t care two hoots about your madam.I know that many of us don’t set out for these things to happen, but they do because, as long as you give a woman hope that she can be number one, she will seize every chance there is to get there.But apart from how we talk to and treat these deputies, there are two things we men do more than ever to encourage them: we let them lime with us and, even worse, we let them get to know our family.When you take out your deputy to a lime or a fete and she gets a chance to meet and talk with your boys, that woman feels she has made it because no man does something like that unless he is totally at ease with the situation and no longer cares who knows he is having an affair.If she gets a chance to meet your mother, father or the relatives you regard the most, that does even more to convince her that she has arrived. That is when she would start giving your “staunch” endless pressure – and you, too, because she wants you now for herself.And the third thing is taking her home to fool around in the same bed you sleep in with your wife. That is a clear statement that you no longer have any regard for your wife, and you are now totally up for grabs.Let me give you an example. I had another woman for nearly three years while I was with my wife. She respected my marriage and never hassled me about leaving my wife for her. That all changed when my madam took the children overseas on holiday and left me home all alone for two weeks. As the deputy did not work, I took sick leave a few days afterwards so we could be together for that period. We went everywhere together and she got to meet some of the crew, so she really felt as if I cared deeply about her.The next thing I did was to take her into my marital home, where she and I slept together in the same bed that my wife and I slept in. She loved it. It gave her a sense of empowerment as if she was the wife-in-waiting.
Two days after my wife returned home, I learned how my stupidity could backfire. My usually shy, introverted deputy started calling my home phone and asking for me – something she never did before. Then she called my wife and told her about how I really loved her and that she (my wife) was making me unhappy.While I was struggling to explain all of these things to my wife, that same day the deputy turned up at my house to speak to my wife again, this time in person. And things got really nasty when I told her off in front of my wife. She revealed all about what I gave her during those years, but more so what she and I had been doing and where when my wife was away.The long and short of it was that my wife swore never to have anything to do with me again. Who could blame her? She asked me to leave, but I refused as the house was mine 11 years before she came into my life. But as I recognised she needed space I moved into the small spare room. And there I slept for nearly four months as she tried to work through her anger.The only reason I think we managed to patch things back was because with me there, she had to deal with me eventually. As I knew I was the idiot, I ate humble pie and slowly we became close again. I know she does not trust me anymore – but who can blame her?The point I am making, though, is that my deputy would never have behaved in this way if I did not make her feel that she had the right to do such things. And that is why I say it is men who are to blame for making women feel that they can do anything and get away with it.