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I CONFESS: Can’t follow outside women

rhondathompson, [email protected]

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THINGS that you don’t plan for happen all the time, but it is how you react to these events that says what type of character you have.This is my firm conviction after being married for just over 20 years. During those years together I was never unfaithful to my wife and didn’t feel the need to be, though I would have been attracted to several people for different reasons.Because I was loyal to my wife and really enjoyed her as a person, I was never motivated to go beyond admiring these women from a distance. And my wife, perceptive and intuitive as she was, used to tell me that a lot of the women that appear so nice and sincere are really devils. She warned me as she grew weaker never to have anything to do with any of them when she passed on.After my wife died from cancer, I began to see what she meant about some of the women in our church. Not two weeks after I buried her, a supposed good friend of hers literally cornered me and told me she understood how lonely I would be after being with someone so long, but if I wanted to talk, she was there.On the surface that seemed innocent enough, but in the weeks that followed she would call me at least three times a week to chat. It became clear from her conversations that she had an agenda, which was to marry me, so I tried to avoid her as much as I could.All the while there were two others – both of whom were supposed to be my wife’s friends – who were also trying to get my attention. They would call and talk, bring food like sweet potato pie, which I love, unannounced to the house, invite me to lunch, programmes and get-togethers.What galled me about them, though, was that my wife was not in the ground a good month when the three of them made their intentions abundantly clear. Anyway, I saw them off by making it clear to them, one by one, that I preferred to be alone at that time as I was still grieving. And I was. It was really tough not to have my wife around.After about ten months, I began to talk seriously with an individual I had admired through the years but had never opened up to. I really felt the need to be with someone else as I was lonely. Mind you, I still loved my wife, but she was gone and I knew she would want me to move on.  But there was a problem. The woman I had eyes for was involved with a married man and had been his mistress for more than 15 years.I only found out that she was intimately attached to this man when I was frank about my intentions to her, and sought to find out if she felt the same way about me.She told me that though she was very fond of me and we got on very well, she was in love with this man and would remain with him even though she was second to his wife.Her response blew me away. I never imagined that any individual would be willing to accept being a deputy all their lives when they had a chance of being the main squeeze. To be honest, the only women I would expect would tolerate being a permanent No. 2 are those who have children and are not working, and so need a man to provide financial support so they can make ends meet. But I never expected that from an educated career woman who had no children, no mortgage or any other financial dependence.I realised then why some women end up as bitter old maids, miserable and all alone. They devote all of their youth to people who do not fully appreciate their value, while rejecting those who are truly interested in them. Then, when they get old, they have no one to love them or be with them.That’s what I mean when I say that how you react to events demonstrates what type of character you have. Sure, a woman could fall for a married man – but why should she stick with him after so many years with no possible future in mind? I feel when people do that they have no mind for themselves and are really “wutless”.Women who do such things – and there seem to be quite a few based on what I now know – should realise that on the day of reckoning they will have a lot to answer for.