ONE OF THE biggest problems in this world is that most people are not genuine. You can’t believe what most people say and do as many of them seem to have their own agenda.
As such, you can never be sure if people do things for you because they expect something in return, or if they are kind to you because they care about you as an individual.
This is a particularly big problem for women because kindness from some men is their way of getting to your “sweetness”. This happens every day.
Some men give and are upfront about what they expect in return; but most men give with the expectation of getting something – though they don’t say so and would sometimes try to pretend that they are your friends and have no interest in being like that.
But lo and behold, sometime later they come with a story about their feelings and how insensitive you are not to take them on when they have been there all the while for you.
I make this point because the man for whom I eventually had my only child is like that. He did whatever he could to get me into his life and to be intimate with me.
After we had a brief affair and I tried again to get out of the relationship because he is married and my life with him was a lie, he kept the pressure on to keep me with him. So weak, stupid me remained with him and eventually got pregnant.
From the time that happened, his attitude changed. Instead of him coming over at least four nights a week, I would see him once or twice at most.
Instead of picking me up from work four of the five evenings a week, he just stopped, claiming that he didn’t want the talk to get back to his wife that he had somebody pregnant. And when I asked him if she didn’t already know he was in a relationship with me – as he had been coming for me at work for nearly two years – all he said was that she would “forgive a horn”, but not a child.
So all along he used me for his pleasure, but when I needed him to be there for me, he wasn’t.
Equally bad was the way he threw the whole blame on me for getting pregnant, as if I provided the sperm. He knew I was off the pill because I started getting some rashes after I had changed brands. So the doctor told me not to use those pills to eliminate the new things I had started before I came down with the rashes. It was during this period that I conceived.
From the time I told him I was pregnant all the sweet talk and liming disappeared. Since he could not convince me to get an abortion, he gave me the $1 200 it would have cost and told me that I would have to make do with that for doctor’s visits, tests, new clothes, any medication, and everything else.
He just washed his hands of me because I became pregnant.
Things got so bad that when I called his cellphone he would not answer. But I fixed that by calling at his house for the first time in all those years and asking for him. After that he made sure and took my calls. Though he spoke with me after that, it was clear he cared nothing about me; I was just a bother.
So at five-and-a-half months pregnant I took a decision to blank him. I went ahead and had my child. Though he knew the dates she was expected, he never once called and asked anything.
Last year Christmas came and went and he never once called to hear me or see his child. Not once!
I am talking about this now because last week Thursday my little girl was a year old and he has not even seen her; neither has he sent anything for her or even called me to say anything.
What hurts me is that I loved this man so much that I went against my spiritual beliefs and my mother’s warnings and got involved with him. I trusted him and believed in him.
He was my world, but it is clear now that I was just somebody to play with.
My mother is mad to take the child and go by his house and make him face up to his responsibility. Or to put him in court for maintenance.
But I will do neither. I would never lower myself to go begging anybody for anything as long as I have health and strength and a job to take care of myself.
I want him to know that God don’t like ugly and people who unfair others always pay for their sins in the end. Always!
