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I CONFESS – Give her a chance

as told to Sanka Price

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The following is a response to last Saturday’s column, Deceived By A Sweet-talker.
I OFTEN WONDER why people are so harsh in their judgement of others as if they don’t make mistakes too.
As far as I know, only God is perfect; so to cry down someone for doing something silly – though they admit that it was foolish and are remorseful – does not help the situation.
No wonder criminals here continue doing wicked things after being released from prison because in this society few people show them any compassion and give them a chance to do something worthwhile with their lives.
The response to that girl’s article last week is why I’m so angry. She was trying to tell women how they have to be wary of the talk fed them by men. She admitted that she was wrong to be involved with a married man but was weak and stupid, and eventually got pregnant.
She went on to say that she found out the extent of her stupidity after becoming pregnant because he has disappeared. Imagine her child is a year old and he has not even come to see it nor supported it – that can’t be right.
Instead of people showing her sympathy, they are castigating the child for being involved with a married man and saying she deserves what is happening to her now.
Bajans are really too hard, though. Look how many women have married men and everybody knows what they’re doing but no one says a word. Some of these same women go to church every Sunday and you never hear of how a priest, preacher or pastor read out any female for doing such things.
I feel this deeply because I too got badly hurt by a married man. I was 17 when he and I became involved. He was the first love of my life and we were together for eight years before I was finally able to tear myself away from him. And I had to do that by leaving Barbados. It was not easy.
What made that relationship really terrible was the two abortions I had for him – the first at 18 and the second at 23. He pushed me to have them because, obviously, he already had a family and did not want any more children.
But why I am particularly grieved about those two innocent lives I took is that today I have no children of my own. I got pregnant on two other occasions but in both cases I was unable to carry both to term.
Only another woman who desperately wanted children and went through a similar situation would know how totally devastated I felt when this happened to me. But I can tell you those were the lowest moments of my life, and though that was several years ago I still cry about it.
Largely because of this situation, I became very depressed and that led to the break-up of my marriage. Now I am alone and childless. That’s why my heart goes out to that girl.
My darling, at least you have a child. Forget the man; he was not worth it anyway because if he would cheat on his wife, he would cheat on you too.
Based on the comments she received, I would expect some readers to say I deserved what I got. To that I would say, no one deserves such bad luck, particularly after they have turned their life around. But such is life.
The one thing that I am happy about is that I can now advise young women about not making the mistake I made, and if I can just save one, at least my suffering would not be in vain.