Dear Christine,
I REALLY NEED your advice. I only found out this week that I am pregnant for my married friend.
I care for him very much, but he is devoted to his family and I know he won’t be happy over what has happened.
Do you think that I should tell him, or should I just have an abortion and not say anything?
Help me please. – JENNY
Dear Jenny,
This must be one of the most difficult decisions a woman ever faces.
To terminate a life growing within you is a very personal one which should not be taken lightly. It is a final act to end an embryonic life.
It is a medical procedure that involves the cervix (neck of the womb) being gently stretched (dilated). A special suction catheter is then introduced through the cervix into the cavity of the womb. The catheter is connected to a suction pump and the womb is carefully emptied.
Termination of a pregnancy is therefore not a method of birth control and should never be used as such.
You should speak to a professional counsellor about this before you take action, one way or the other. The purpose of counselling is to help you sort out the facts and decide for yourself the best option for you.
That apart, your situation is a delicate one. You are pregnant for a man who already has a family and has indicated that he intends to stay loyal to them, in spite of his willingness to be intimate with you.
You therefore knew from the start that if anything like this occurred, he would not be with you.
Clearly you should have protected yourself to avert this predicament. The Pill, condoms, foams, IUDs and other forms of contraception are all available and are negligible in cost when compared to the sums needed throughout a pregnancy and then raising a child.
We say these things not to condemn you, but to point out the reality which you faced from day one but chose to ignore. Â
Jenny, you and other women need to realise that many men have no conscience when it comes to sex. Though married, many men, unfortunately, are willing to fool around as long as they think they can get away with it. This is a sad reflection on their personal values and lack of respect for their marriage vows.
I am truly sorry that you are hurting in this way. It cannot be easy for you, and the fact that you will have to make this decision alone will make the burden of it even greater.
That’s why I feel you need to speak one-on-one with a counsellor to work through each aspect of your actions and their consequences – one way or the other. Only when you are armed with this knowledge should you make up your mind about what you want to do.
In conclusion, I would like to urge all single women to realise that being involved with married men is usually an exercise in futility. If you are serious about finding a partner for yourself, a man who is already taken and lives in a house with his wife is not a good candidate.
I hope this helps. Take good care of yourself. – CHRISTINE
