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Why is friend so caught up with this woman?

rhondathompson, [email protected]

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Dear Christine,
May God continue to bless you for the fantastic job you do when it comes to helping people. I never thought that I would be one to have to write for advice, but I do need your help on something that is constantly bothering me.
You see after a four-year break from a serious relationship, I met this guy who I tried not to fall in love with but still ended up falling for.
Before we got involved he told me that he got hurt in the last relationship he was in, and did not want to repeat that. He even told me that he had started seeing someone after that break-up but realised it wasn’t working out and ended it.
I, in turn, told him I had also been hurt and wanted to take my time to see how far this would go.
Now to my problem. There is this female who he claims is just his friend yet he spends so much time with her that it is annoying. Whenever she calls him to do something for her, no matter what time of day it is, he is out the door headed to her in a jiffy and stays there for hours at a time.
When I try contacting him he seldom answers his phone, and when he does, he is very sharp with me.
If he claims to love me and care about me, why is his time spent with her?
When I try asking him about their friendship, he gets very angry and annoyed and starts shouting and swearing. Now he is making it seem as if I’m the problem. He said that he does not care who has a problem with his friendship with this woman and does not care what I think.
Am I reading too much into this or should I seriously consider his peculiar behaviour and run like the wind.
– ??
Dear ??,
Do what Singing Francine advised years ago – put two wheels on your heels and run away. This man cannot really care for you and still treat you in this way. He is also making a mockery of his claim of wanting a sound relationship.
You are not the problem here; he is.
You are in love with him and want to devote yourself to him.
He, on the other hand, has a female friend he can’t resist going to do things for and spending time with.
Worse, whenever he goes by her he is not easily accessible by phone. And when you try to talk to him about it, he gets testy.
From what you’re saying it sounds to me like he is up to no good. It seems he expects to have his way with you and still maintain a close relationship with another female. That to me is a no-no.
You need to ask him how he would feel if you ran off to be with a male friend whenever that friend called?
I bet you he wouldn’t like that at all.
I would also wager that he would accuse you of having an affair with the man.
What you are going through is what destroys relationships. Men and women need to recognise that when they become a couple, their partner must be central to their lives.
Yes, each partner can have a close friend of the opposite sex and spend time with that individual, but they should not do it at the expense of their spouse. That is disrespectful!
If couples hope to live in harmony they need to be honest with each other about their friends, and the nature of those relationships. They should take their partner to meet their friends and, as a group, spend time with each other.
Obviously each partner’s friend is not always going to like the spouse and vice versa. But at least some attempt should be made to get the most important people in your lives as a couple together, so each partner could feel at ease when one visits alone.
Of course, there are always two sides to a story and your boyfriend might have a different spin on your relationship. However, in the absence of his side, and given the sincere tone of your mail, I suspect what you are relating is the truth.– Christine