MAVIS BECKLES – Duh fooling duhself
Duh barely fooling duh selves
I love tuh read the Dear Christine and I Confess columns because they does have in some o’ de most interesting stories or experiences or whatever you might choose tuh call dem. And every once in a while ya would read one dat really makes you get real vex, have a big laugh, or just leh go a big-able long steups.
Now, you know how men, well, not all men, but some men always talking ’bout women and how when they get a certain age they does just blank duh husbands, decide dat duh ain’t want nuh more man in duh lives tuh confuse duh tails day in and day out, and then head straight ’long in tuh the nearest church.
Well, I read a story like dat the other day in the confessions of the SATURDAY?SUN where a man was talking bout his wife ignoring her wifely duties and when he go tuh pull at her how she does push him ’way, tell him dat she ain’t interested in nutten so, and ask he why he doan behave himself and respect his age.
Well, you would know dat fuh he tuh write ’bout dat in the confessions, he ain’t too pleased ’bout it. He even went on tuh say dat he never used tuh be unfaithful tuh his wife but it is because of what she doing and how she getting on, dat he now gone and get involved wid a young ting. He also said dat the older women does want a relationship but the young girls doan want nutten so; something like dat . . .
Look, dat particular story make me both steups and get vex at his folly.
The other day I was sitting down in a li’l cook shop dat a friend o’ mine own and a few fellas were in there eating and drinking duh beers when a younger fella came in. He ordered what he wanted and then sat down tuh eat and chat wid the rest o’ the fellas.
Duh start tuh talk and the conversation went from one thing tuh the other. Then a couple o’ women walk into the shop and a couple o’ the men started tuh chat dem up. They were very polite, got their food and soon left. But before the women could shut the door behind dem properly, the conversation started up ’bout how all of a sudden these women, who was two o’ the biggest fetesters, brekking down every dancehall door when the weekends come, now big up in the people church.
Well I was just sitting there eating my lunch and not saying a word, so they started tuh direct duh conversation at me; asking me why when a woman get a certain age she does play she leffing out men and bonging in a church?
Another one ask me why duh does stop having sex. The younger one, now eating, put down the container and start saying dat he think dat women got a serious problem; dat because some o’ dem might’ve gotten hurt by a couple o’ men, dem does play dem giving up pon all men and gine church.
He say dat all men ain’t bad, dat he had a lot o’ women and he get hurt by women too and he ain’t find Ms Right yet but it ain’t gine stop he from looking . . . so why women cahn keep looking too?
Well, duh did humbugging me suh much dat I had tuh ask them if a woman keep searching and looking and sifting through the garbage like dem ‘trying tuh find a good man if and when she finally butt up pon one o’ dem, like wunna in the shop so, if dem would want she or would look at her, or would tell her dat she used up or is damaged goods?
At first all o’ dem start tuh laugh but then bong back wid, wha’ duh gine in the church as damaged goods anyway and if a man could do it, why a woman cahn do too?
Look, men doan understand dat while their minds always seem tuh tell dem dat dem still young and look like Adonis, even though duh heads full o’ grey hair, some o’ duh front teet missing or discoloured, duh bellies hanging out ovah duh pants – cargo if ya please – and the arthritis got a couple o’ duh fingers pon both hands slightly disfigured; when dem call at some young tings, as dem does call dem, these young tings does respond tuh dem because they could fool dem, make dem feel young and rob dem blind.
So while these middle-aged men and old boys continue tuh rack out duh soul-case pon the young tings, trying tuh impress duh friends, a woman pon the other hand is more concerned at this time wid looking after she health and physical appearance. She doan be looking fuh nuhbody tuh impress. She done know dat she ain’t got nuh young girl body and she ain’t looking fuh nuh young boy tuh come along and carry ’way the li’l bit she wuk suh hard tuh get.
And then another set o’ women after they reach a certain age does just decide dat dem done wid the lot o’ stress and it is now time tuh enjoy duh selves, especially if duh had children and they now grown up.
But ya know something, though? Duh right as France. While a lot ’o men might have let dem down time and time again, dem know dat the Master will never let dem down.
Mavis Beckles was born and raised in The Orleans. She has an opinion on everything.