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DEAR CHRISTINE – My wife has a girlfriend

marciadottin, [email protected]

DEAR CHRISTINE – My wife has a girlfriend

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Dear Christine,
I’m glad for your column where I can publish this letter.
I was married for almost 31 years. My wife is supposed to be a Christian and every time her church opens she is there.  
I met my wife with a female friend who was living with her and her adopted mother. While making our wedding plans, my wife-to-be asked me if her friend could live with us. After a long thought I said yes.
I got suspicious when my wife-to-be wanted her friend to go with us on our honeymoon. I said no! Anyhow, I allowed her to live with us.
I later discovered that my wife and her female friend were lovers occasionally. I would find my wife’s skin with lots of scratches and when I asked her about them, she would say its our baby son who was two years old at the time.
Christine, I have proof that my wife is a lesbian and because of that she has destroyed every facet of my life.
I have tried everything to save my marriage. I did everything possible to make my family happy. Yet on October 13, my wife asked me if I cannot see that she does not want any man.
I want to ask a few people who I trust and respect to pray for me. First, my two cousins who were my Sunday School teachers, my choir master, and now retired pastor – please pray for me.
Then they are the members of [my congregation] who prayed for me and my siblings in our time of sorrow, and some members of the choir who always wished me well.
I am asking these same people to pray for my wife.
Christine, life in my home is dark. May God Bless you.
– Husband Waiting On God
Dear Husband Waiting On God,
What a story. I heard of similar situations overseas, but this is the first time anyone ever related such a tale to me.
What I find difficult to comprehend is that the two of you lived as man and wife for 31 years and produced at least one offspring that you mentioned, yet for some portion of this period you knew she and her girlfriend were also a couple but, seemingly, did little about it.
Or, maybe you did do something about it discreetly but did not mention it here, and it is for this reason that you said your wife “has destroyed every facet of my life”.
Going with this reasoning and taking you at your word, this would explain your claims that you have “tried everything to save my marriage . . . [and to] make my family happy”.
Staying in line with this thinking I gather that you were trying to build a closer relationship with your wife in spite of knowing that she was gay, but she finally dispelled any notion that she wanted this by telling you clearly that she does not want a man.
If my deductions of your situation are accurate, what you thought you had, you never did. You were fighting an uphill battle with little chance of winning.
What I mean is, her girl friend was in her life before you, throughout your marriage, and I would assume is still there. More important than that, this friend lived under the same roof as your wife all these years.
In other words, they never parted.
In fact, based on what you have related, it seems you were the interloper.
That is, your wife and her girlfriend were a couple but to ensure respectability, she married you and had a child. But through it all, she maintained her relationship with her female friend.
If everything you wrote here is accurate, then you need to have a number of issues resolved in your life. I therefore suggest you seek professional counselling on this matter. For your peace of mind, use a psychologist who is not affiliated to your church (the name of which I deleted).
– Christine