Dear Christine,
I am writing to you with a heavy heart. I am bothered by the accusations of my lover. He seems to think because my menstrual cycle has become, in his words, “irregular”, that I’ve been sleeping with another man.
I have friends, of course, as would any other normal human being, but my conscience is clear on the fact that not another man has touched me since we’ve been together.
Before I go any further, I must admit that in the past I’ve been very paranoid and jealous over his numerous female friends. But I think his accusations are uncalled for as I go from work to home and back; I hardly socialise unless it’s in my neighbourhood.
Now this one particular male friend of mine, whom I seldom heard on the phone until recently, is the target of my partner’s imaginations. This feeling is terrible and when I talk about the topic, I get sarcastic expressions and responses.
I have no control over Mother Nature, and my life and job can be a bit stressful. I’m so tired trying to convince him that not all females have a menstrual cycle that comes like clockwork.
To me, this uncertainty gives our relationship an awful sense of uncertainty.
– SO FRUSTRATED
Dear So Frustrated,
I suspect there is more to this situation than just your irregular periods causing your partner to think that you are sleeping around. It’s obvious that the two of you have a serious communication problem, and there seems to be little trust between the two of you.
Based on what you said in your letter alone, it is clear that if the two of you want to remain as a couple, you need to rebuild the confidence I would assume you once had in each other. You are both guilty of this as you admitted you were once paranoid about his many female friends.
What’s the point living with someone if you don’t or can’t trust them?
My dear, life is too short to be going through this frustration and uncertainty. I suggest that the two of you sit down with a trained counsellor and work out your difficulties.
Don’t use a friend as in the end it would be said that that person favoured a particular view because of their friendship. Besides, when you speak to a friend your “business” is likely to get out, so don’t go there. Pay a professional for help. If both of you really want to continue the relationship, then the small sum would be more than worth it to get you back on track.
As for your irregular periods, though I’m no doctor I can say it is highly unlikely that having sex with another man would cause your menstrual cycle to change.
From what I know about irregular periods, they can be caused by a number of other things including stress and emotional problems. You said that your life and job can be a bit stressful, so that may be the reason.
You didn’t say how old you are, if you have children for your partner or in the house you share, but these are factors too that would impact on your stress level and affect your menstrual cycle.
Other things that can cause irregular periods include:
• Excessive weight gain or weight loss. Extreme thinness and obesity both cause your menstrual cycle to become irregular or even to disappear.
• Hormonal problems, for example, when the thyroid malfunctions
• Travel. The stress that is sometimes involved with this can upset your body rhythm.
• Over-exercising. If you train very hard you may stop menstruating because your body wants to survive and save energy – and menstruation requires energy.
• Problems with the pelvic organs (such as polycystic ovarian syndrome, for example)
• Changing birth-control pills or switching from them to some other form of contraceptive.
• Breastfeeding.
The best way though to find out exactly why you are having this irregularity is to consult your doctor.
But I really think your problems relate to the lack of trust in your relationship.
I suspect if, or when, you fix this, your condition will improve. I hope this helps.
– Christine
