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I CONFESS – His mum dissed me

marciadottin, [email protected]

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I LOVE MY boyfriend dearly, but I cannot stand his mother. But as he and I can’t see eye to eye on her negative attitude to me, I can’t see how I can remain with him.
We have been going out for four months and he seemed so right for me. But now that I have met his mother and realize that he is a boy around her, I think it is in my better interest not to continue our relationship.
I’m telling this story because those males out there who pretend that they are men need to realize that if they love someone, they must stand up for her even if the person who has wronged her is their mother.
This is what happened. As we decided that we were going steady, I told him that I wanted to meet his mother and brother formally, as I had no intention of going to anybody’s house having never spoken to them before.
So he took me by his house for lunch on a Sunday afternoon recently. His mother had never set her eyes on me before, neither had she ever spoken to me, but from the time I walked in and said good afternoon, she said, “I didn’t know you were a red woman. I hear he talk ’bout you but I never would have thought that he would go out with a red woman.”
Bashed Guyanese
Then she asked me if I was Guyanese. When I said I was not, she said, “Good, because all they do is come ’bout here and thief Bajan women men.”
Can you imagine that this was the very first time this woman and I ever met and spoke?
The woman did not even greet me, or welcome me to her house; she just blurted that out.
I was offended. I felt deeply hurt that the first thing she could say to me was to comment on my complexion as if I have any control over the colour of my skin.  
What made me even more angry was that my boyfriend laughed it off as if it was nothing.
Anyway, my boyfriend showed me in and she told us everything was ready for lunch, so we went to the table.
As we started to eat she wanted to know if I could cook. When I told her I could manage but needed to learn how to do a number of things, she remarked that her son loved food and she doesn’t want any woman to starve him or feed him on just fast foods.
She further said it was a pity that young women of today can only put on pretty clothes and “be fresh” with men, but they couldn’t cook and wash properly.
My boyfriend laughed. For him that was funny; yet he never came to my defence to say I was not like that. I didn’t say a word as I felt insulted.
Independent woman
The next thing that she wanted to know was why I lived in an apartment and not at home with my mother. I explained that as an adult I felt that was what I should do.  Secondly, I like being independent and had grown accustomed to this after living on my own while I was studying overseas.
In any case, my mum was married and should be allowed to enjoy the rest of her life with her husband, who is not my father, without having her adult children around.
She looked at me and said her two sons were men older than I but lived with her because they loved being around her. She asked if that meant I would prefer her son to pay my rent for an apartment than to come and live in her house where he could save to get his own place.
I don’t know where I found the patience, but remembering that I was always told that the answer is what causes the noise, I quietly explained to her that I did not expect her son to pay my rent or my car loan or any of my bills.
I did not want to embarrass him, but I could have told her that I worked for more than him, so if I was looking for a man to pay my bills, for sure it would not be her son.
I was so upset that I was eating more slowly than usual, so by the time he was finished and she had only a few forkfuls to go, I had only touched about half of the food. So she wanted to know if I had a problem with her food and if I was one of those women who were always on a diet.
Somehow I managed to maintain my composure throughout the rest of that meal as she continued asking a lot of foolish questions about me and making silly statements about “young women of today”.
After I endured it all, my boyfriend whispered to me that I should help her wash the dishes.
I refused, and then he got vex. So he went to help her while I sat in the front house watching a DVD that he put on.
Got angry
When they were done, as soon as I got him alone, I told him that I wanted to leave. He got more angry but did not create a scene. He just made a quick excuse and we left.
In the car we had a big row. He said that I had offended his mother by my behaviour. He never even considered it from my viewpoint. So he dropped me home and left immediately.
I didn’t hear him for the remainder of that day.
In fact, he did not call for two days afterwards, and I did not call him either.
On Wednesday he called asking me why I was so stubborn, so I told him off and put down the phone.
He never called until Saturday and I told him I was going out and had no time to talk with him.
Before I could even get out of the apartment he was there knocking at my door asking me if I did not love him, and what about our relationship?
But when I began telling him how his mother treated me, and then how he expected me to take it without saying a word, he got vex again.
So he got in his car and left.
Four days have gone by and I have not heard anything. Can this be a man who is ready for a serious relationship and marriage?
I don’t think so.