Housemate sneaking in a man
PLEASE SHARE your advice on this matter regarding my roommate. A few nights ago, around 10, I saw her dressed and asked her whether she was going out. Shesaid yes. I just asked, “So, where are you going?” and she said: “In town. I’m going to meet some people in town.”
I was surprised because she gave the impression that she does not have any friends and that’s one of the reasons that she was happy to hang out with me and for us to share a house. Anyway, she also said that she would go only if she got a taxi. My 11-year-old daughter and I went off to sleep, so I don’t know when she left. But I heard her and a male person come in around 4 a.m. (I just happened to have been awake at the time/the Holy Spirit woke me). I noted that she was stealthy in her movements and I heard her telling him that the lights in my bedroom are off, so I must be asleep. She went to the bathroom, which is in the middle of our rooms, and I promptly came out of my room to go to the bathroom when she was coming out. She was surprised to see me up and pulled in the bathroom door, saying that she was in fact now going into it.
Her bedroom was open and I saw a pair of male boots. Later on I heard her talking in her room with a man. This morning I noticed a car, which is obviously his, parked in our car space at the front of the apartment – so he slept here. This means that he most likely picked her up last night and she didn’t have to get a taxi.I invited her to church that same night. This was before she said she was going out, and she said that she preferred to stay at home and sleep (obviously tosleep with this man). I’m concerned about two things: 1. The scheming and deception 2. The image of her bringing a man home to spend the night, especially with my young daughter here.
I learned a lot about house-sharing through the years. The other women I shared a house with entertained friends, men included, but none ever slept over for the night or weekend because, like me, they are born-again Christians. And none of them used to go out without saying where they were going. I’m sure her thinking is that this is her private life. What would you suggest I do? – SB
Dear SB,You have every right to be concerned about her behaviour. She is an adult and should have been forthright with you, given that you have a young girl in that house and all of you have to share a single bathroom. I believe you are concerned, and justifiably so, about the shock that child would have if she got up to go to thebathroom and accidentally saw that man coming from there or just being in the house.
Out of courtesy, she should have told you she was bringing home her man so that you would have been prepared. Manners would suggest, too, that she shouldhave given you some idea of where she was going and with whom so that at least if anything went wrong you would be able to pass on that information to the authorities. Having said that, though, I recognize that some roommates do not share this type of information, but the fact that you complain suggests you expect this because you extend this courtesy to her or the two of you discussed this matter before.
Likewise, on the matter of the man sleeping over. Again, I get the impression this was either discussed before or taken to be understood that this should not happen. Speaking specifically on your concerns: 1. Scheming – The deception is a problem, but I suspect knowing where you stand as a Christian she did not want to let you in on what she was up to. 2) Man sleeping over – That is not the environment you would want for your girl as you don’t engage in that kind of behaviour.I suggest that you communicate to her gently that you understand she would want to have companionship, but you would appreciate if she could inform you as you would prefer not to expose your daughter to that as she is unaccustomed to that kind of activity.