So hard to give him a child
I have been reading your column for a long time and although my problem may be trivial compared to others, it is my difficulty and I need help and advice on it.
The short version of my situation is, I have made a lot of bad choices when it comes to men but have finally met a great man. The problem is, he has no children and wants one of his own. Though I am willing to give him one I am having problems.
Christine, I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), and it is very hard for me to get pregnant. I am also overweight and as that adds to my infertility, I have been trying to lose the excess baggage not only to have more children but to feel good and healthy. But that has been hard because I don’t have anyone who is willing to work with me and not tease me about my weight or how I eat. I don’t have the extra money to join a good gym and have a personal trainer.
Christine, I have a wonderful son and my man takes care of both of us. I love him for it, and that’s why I feel as if I have hit a brick wall.I guess I am just reaching out for help, someone to take my hand and say I can do it and help. I read everyday of people wanting pen pals, but I need an encouragement pal. If you can help thanks, if not, thanks for listening. – Heavy In Heart
Dear Heavy In Heart,
Your letter is very touching and my prayers are with you. Clearly you love this man very much and are doing your utmost to satisfy his burning desire to have his own child. That is commendable. Your problem is not trivial at all, polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) is a complex condition in which there is a hormonal imbalance within the ovaries which can stop ovulation from occurring and lead to women being infertile. As you noted, obesity is one of the problems associated with this condition. That is why it is so important to lose weight as that would improve your hormonal abnormalities and increase your likelihood of ovulation and pregnancy.
You don’t say your age, but the fact that you already had a child suggests that in your case as long as you lose weight, the disease process may be reversed. I therefore urge you to follow your doctor’s instructions on this, and try to have a consultation with a dietitian. A dietitian is best placed to advise you on what you should eat, and in what quantities. They can advise too on what you should stay far away from. If you cannot afford one in the private sector, you may be able to see someone through an appointment at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital or at the polyclinic. Just call the hospital or the polyclinic nearest you for guidance.
Heavy In Heart, you said you’re looking for an encouragement pal to work with you in your weight loss efforts, but why can’t your partner be there for you. Even if your schedules clash, surely at least one day a week he may be able to spend some hours with you helping you to achieve your goal. If the two of you can do this together this would further cement your relationship. For sure it would help to build a bond of understanding between you and bring you closer together. If you have never tried to get him on board with your effort, you certainly should.
My dear, it would be remiss of me if I did not ask you some questions which you need to ask yourself, and figure out how you will cope if a worse case scenario occurs. These are: What if you cannot get pregnant? How will that affect your relationship? Will he still want you, or will his desire to produce his own flesh and blood make him leave you? Suppose you do get pregnant for him, what guarantee do you have that he will remain with you? Is he prepared to marry you? These may be difficult questions to face but you have to be mindful of them. Having been through bad times before, I’m sure you are conscious of these things.
That said, I think you should continue being optimistic as you are in the situation and is best placed to assess the intentions of your man. I sense you to be a gentle soul and a wonderful woman; people like you deserve happiness and I trust you get everything good that you are after.