Not feeling mother’s love
My mother treats me terribly. I am 28 years old and have two children. I have a job but I’m also committed to improving my learning skills.
Christine, I’m living under lots of stress. My mother never liked me and this has been so for years now. I have other siblings but they get along fine, but when it comes to me, I am the worst.
Every time there’s a disagreement she would ask me to leave her house. I can’t speak to my children – not even to correct them. She would say things like; “I don’t like them”, “I don’t have no money”, and “You would never get through”. I am really stressed out.
Christine, I feel like I would kill myself almost every day, but then I would sit down and say, “Lord, I thank you for today, tomorrow and beyond.”
Every day I would cry. I have applications for everywhere you can think of, including the National Housing Corporation.
Christine I look forward to your advice and help.
– STRESSED OUT TO?THE?MAX
Dear Stressed Out To The Max,
Your mother has no right to talk to you this way in front of your children, even though you are under her roof. By continually putting you down in their presence, she is unwittingly encouraging them to disrespect you as an individual and, ultimately, your authority as their mother.
Your mum is therefore going down a line which can only lead to further discord in the household and should stop it.
That said, there are two sides to a story and from what you have revealed, I suspect your mother’s attitude to you may be based on what you did when you were a young woman.
I say this because mothers generally love all of their children and treat them equally. When there is an exception to this, it’s usually because the child came through systemic abuse or rape. If that was your case and you knew, given the nature and tone of your letter, you most likely would have mentioned that. You didn’t suggest a behavioural issue.
Stressed Out To The Max, the only way I can advise you is if I have the whole picture and not just a distorted one from your perspective. In any case, the scenario I came with is based on the clues you gave.
Assuming that I am correct, I would advise you to reflect on your life – the good, bad and ugly aspects of it – and recognize that you have made mistakes, and your mum’s attitude is most likely in response to your approach.
With this in mind, try to explain to your mother that you recognized that you made mistakes in life and would have ignored her advice. But now you’re trying to make-up and would really like her help.
That help may be in the form of your mum having to keep the children while you do classes on evening or on Saturday. It may mean financial assistance for their daily sustenance. Or it may just be a vote of confidence in you and what you’re trying to achieve ten years after the fact.
The point is, Stressed Out To The Max, you need to be frank, honest and humble if you hope to reconcile with your mother. You are asking her to give you a second chance, and you should be sincere about it.
I know your mum still cares about you because she allows you and your two children to live at her house, and even though she threatens to put you out whenever the two of you quarrel, she has never done it.
My dear, I truly believe your situation is retrievable if you would only chat with your mum and show her that this time you are serious about doing something constructive with your life. Let us know how you get through.