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Angry over daughter’s affair with older man


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Angry over daughter’s affair with older man

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Dear Christine,I would like to know if you think it is right that a young girl who is only 22 years old should be living with a 53-year-old man.
That man could be her father. Doesn’t he have a conscience? As her mother, I have difficulty with this situation because I am only 48 years old and her father would be around 50 or 51 years old. 
To my mind, this is just wrong. But all I try to talk to this girl I can’t get her to understand that there is no future in that relationship.
Since I took my stand she got annoyed and has gone living in a house with him. She is not working anywhere so she must depend on him for everything.
I just can’t understand how she could be so foolish.
I thought I raised a child with sense, but this thing really has me upset. The thing is, the more I talk, the more she ignores me.
What can I do to make her realize that she is wasting her life living with an older man?
Christine, I really need help with this. What can I do to knock some sense into this child of mine?
– ANGRY
Dear Angry,You are clearly very upset, and when people get like that they tend to say some harsh things, especially to those that they love and care about. I suspect you have been doing this and it has had the opposite effect.
So the first thing I would advise is that you get a grip on your anger. Your hostility to your daughter’s actions may be contributing to pushing her further into this man’s arms.
Secondly, you need to recognize that your daughter is an adult and has the right to make her own decisions, even if you do not agree with them.
The best you can do is to discuss the facts of the particular issue, in particular what she wants to get out of the matter, look at her options, and help guide her towards making reasoned decisions.
Such dialogue builds trust and confidence between people and encourages openness.
In terms of her living and having a relationship with this man old enough to be her father, she could be yearning for a father figure in her life and seeing this man as that. Or she may really care about him because his maturity makes her feel secure. 
Whatever the attraction, the best way to reach her is to be there for her. Be a ready ear to listen without judging. Seek to give her sound advice that would be helpful without seeming to be trying to dictate what she should or should not do.
For example, speak to her about ensuring she does not get pregnant soon, as a child early in any relationship changes the dynamics of it.
The key thing (though, admittedly it will be frustrating for you, given your feelings) is to keep the lines of communication open between the two of you.
That way she knows that whatever happens, your ears are ready to listen to her and your door is ready to receive her. I hope this helps.– Christine  

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