MARKET VENDOR – A landing on water? Very unlikely
THESE PAST TWO WEEKS I been baring muh soul ’bout flying, how I overcome the fear in the first place and why I does pay such close attention to the hostesses, especially pun LIAT, whichin don’t have oxygen masks but say they have adequate supplies of oxygen which will be administered if needed, apparently by the one hostess!
Today is all about survival, in the unlikely (note that word carefully) event of a landing on water. But before I get there, let me say a word or two ’bout a most gracious, charitable, caring and loving human being, Dame Olga Lopes-Seale, Hall of Fame broadcaster and humanitarian, who passed away last week and will be laid to rest next Tuesday.
She was a unique human being, kind to everyone. She left a legacy that should make her family truly proud. When God made her He threw away the mould. May she rest in peace! This vendor was blessed simply by knowing you.
As I was saying ’bout survival . . . In the unlikely event of an airplane landing on water, wuh tools they giving for survival? Last week we debunk the value of the poo poo whistle and tiny light, but today leh we look at what we really need.
First things first: you nor I cannot survive in the waters of the Caribbean for long hours. We gwine get cold iffing we don’t get eat by a shark and end up as shark and bake by Richard in Maracas the following weekend.
Instead of the life jackets, how about some inflatable, unsinkable dinghys? At least a poor vendor would have a fighting chance. Save the life jackets fuh the captain and crew!
And once I dry off, I looking fuh something to help me survive, water. We need a few gallons per dinghy iffing we is to have a fighting chance.
If we don’t get rescue early, we gwine get cold out there so we gwine need to be warm. I suggest that the airline do a deal with Mount Gay fuh some of dat 1705 Special Reserve or at least some Extra Old. Trust me, it will warm the heart and keep the heartbeat up!
Now, ah don’t want to get greedy, but some other essentials would be nice too. Suppose you ain’t get rescue fuh two or three days. Can you imagine how some red people would look? Give each one ah we a li’l care package and mek sure some sunblock in there too.
You see how I thinking? Tools fuh survival. One or two spear guns could come in handy in case yuh have to augment food supplies. And while we at it, a GPS device would be essential, so that rescuers could find exactly where we located and send help!
But we assuming that we landing pun water, we assuming that, like Captain Sully, the Caribbean pilots gwine put that baby down in the water.
We also assuming that the airline believe that a landing is not only possible but probable. But I got a sneaky suspicion that there is more to that statement ’bout “In the unlikely event of a landing on water”.
What I suspect the airline really meant to say is, “Wunnah say wunnah prayers, put wunnah house in order. It is not only unlikely that you gwine land pun water; it is unlikely that when de plane hit water anybody gwine be living, so we ain’t wasting precious dollars, especially after losses last year, to buy nuh survival equipment. It isn’t going to happen, people. There will be no landing on water, so prepare to meet St Peter!”
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?