Dear Nesta,
Well, after I en know how long, de flu ketch up wid muh! Couple weeks now, I been playin’ hide an’ seek, figurin’ I could beat it, but las’ week I had to run up de white flag, surrender an’ get to bed!
But not fuh long, t’ank heavens! Dah cough mixture advertisement dat say, “It taste awful and it works”, really right! I could now confirm dat. It got a awful tas’e, but it certainly does wuk. I won’ fool to tell yuh, it help put muh back ’pon muh feet!
De way de wevver doin’ de dipsy-doodle evuh day, got people off-guard! Sun one minute, rain de nex’, day after day, wid freezin’ nights, mus’ gi’e people de col’! I hear de doctors offices full, but I don’ believe dem complainin’! “One man’s meat is anethuh one p’ison”!
Anyway, I was able to get outta bed in time to help Philomena pack she suitcase fuh she trip to Engelant. I gi’e she yuh phone number so, ef she din get ketch at de airport wid dah mob-o’-ton o’ luggage, yuh shoulda hear from she by now!
She up dey fuh she son weddin’, an’ when I see de amounk o’ food dah ’oman tek up, I had was to ax ef he en been eatin’ fuh some while! I could never onderstan’ why some people always need to travel wid summuch food! De fambly don’ eat ’til duh pay a visit? Nowadays, almos’ any food down hey, yuh could get up dey! So why burden yuhself? Tek it easy! Travel light!
Philomena decide she mus’ tek up de weddin’ cake an’ get it ice when she arrive. Two big pans o’ black cake, mek wid all de fruit she set fuh weeks, went up in a big plastic bag as han’ luggage. As ef dah din bad enuff, she also wrap some towels ’roun’, not one, but four loaves o’ heavy coconut bread, an’ stuff duh all parts o’ de suitcase, hopin’ nobody would be de wiser.
De onlies’ body she was settin’ out to fool, was sheself, ’cause Customs in dem big countries don’ joke, as you yuhself fin’ out when you try to sneak in dem fishcakes when you went back up! Yuh shoulda tek my advice an’ eat dem ’pon de plane!
Customs officers all over de worl’ is a special breed! Dem could fin’ items in yuh suitcase you even fuhget to pack! So I know, when dah officer start rummagin’ t’rough she case, ’e only need to butt up ’pon one item dat shun be dey, fuh he to go to town ’pon de res’ o’ de case! When he finish stickin’ a knife in all de cake an’ bread, mekkin’ sure neffin wasn’ in dem, an’ turnin’ evuht’ing else inside out, I sure Philomena din too far from a heart attack!
Well, yuh know she c’n travel widout de Bajan delicacy – flying fish! She had 100, dat she barely finish fryin’ befo’ it was time to get to de airport! She use up summuch oil dat I advise she to keep de packet separate, but she know bes’, an’ put it in de suitcase. I only hope de grease din soak t’rough an’ damage she clothes!
She carry ’long a big bottle o’ pepper sauce too, an’ some onshell green peas! An’ I en got to tell yuh ’bout de various li’l packets – shillin’ oil, candle grease, Bengies Balsam, even some clove oil in case o’ toofache – dat she scatter all ’bout de suitcase, tryin to mek de weight even. She din too please, when I p’int out doctors up dey!
I jes’ wanta hear ’bout two t’ings when she get back! Hummuch she had to pay fuh overweight, an’ how she get pas’ Customs wid de big plastic bowl o’ puddin’ an’ souse she insis’ ’pon tekkin’ up! Dah woman is a case, faif!
Tek care o’ yuhself Yuh frien’ Babsie
