DEAR CHRISTINE: She’s married, but I love her
For some time now I have been telling myself it is time for me to settle down and start a family. But girls these days know of my past as a womaniser, so it is very hard to tell the truth.
It seems that today’s women like liars because that’s the only way they will talk to me, which I think is pretty sad.
Over the years I liked one person. We went out for two years. Since then I have dated other women to find someone like her, but never did.
Recently she came back, but she is married.
I felt very uncomfortable talking with her but when I did, I found out that she was not happily married.
We made love and now her husband has found out. But I really do love her. Please help.
Your letter provides an opportunity to speak to three recurring issues which need to stop.
Firstly, I refer to the need for men to bed as many women as they can, as if this is proof of their masculinity.
This is a stupid, irresponsible and potentially deadly practice as you could contract HIV.
In addition, it speaks to the inadequacies of the men who do it. They clearly have no conscience, they’re selfish and they have no respect for women or their feelings.
Also, your revelation that women like liars is something I’ve heard before.
What tends to drive women to expect this is the man’s antecedents, so though they care for him, they expect him to stray.
I have a difficulty with that philosophy. A man is either yours or he is not; you should not have to, or be prepared to, share his intimate affections with anyone else.
Women with this mindset sell themselves short. Women need to make their partners understand that they will not stand for that foolishness as their men would not like it if they cheated.
The other matter is that people who are having difficulties in their marriage should seek to work them out rather than involve a third party, unless that person is a trained counsellor.
From the time another person gets in there, the magnitude of the problem increases. Put another way – people should stop running away from their problems by running into someone else’s arms.
Jakboss, you said you love this woman. But do you respect her enough to tell her that you want her to leave her supposed sad life with her husband and be with only you?
And if she agrees to that, can you be faithful to her?
Love, sir, is more than about sex. It is about caring, sharing and respect. If you think you have matured to that point, then you may indeed be ready to settle down. For your sake, I hope so.