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BLABBERMOUT’ BABSIE: Eat li’l an’ live long

BEA DOTTIN, [email protected]

BLABBERMOUT’ BABSIE: Eat li’l an’ live long

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I GOT a problem. Now dat de cos’ o’ livin’ tekkin’ on tsunami proportions, I hearin’ mo’ an’ mo’ from de aut’orities we should “grow yuh own food, grow yuh own food”. All well an’ good, but when li’l people like me decide to try wid some home gardinin’, wuh we could do when de monkeys jes’ arrive an’ clean up evuht’ing we tryin’ to grow?
Now I onderstan’ de solution is to shoot de monkeys an’ tek in de tails to get few dollars. But, Ness, could you picture me – in de firs’ place, I cyhan stan’ dem animals – creepin’ ’bout in de bushes wid a gun in my han’, tryin’ to shoot at duh? An’ how I gine get de gun anyway, when gun licences hard enuff to get? Dem creatures got nuff sense, an’ I sure duh realize I don’ like duh, so I won’ be surprise ef duh won’ snatch de gun outta my han’ an’ turn it ’pon me.  An’ y’know how vicious dem could be when duh get ready.
Anyway, a li’l while ago, like any good citizen, I t’ought I would try some home gardinin’. I decide to start by fillin’ up some ole tyres wid soil mix an’ gettin’ wid de programme. After spennin’ time an’ money ’pon dem vegetables, you could imagine how blue vex I was, when de monkeys turn up an’ eat ALL.  
Now you would know, howevuh much de ministry keep on advisin’ we to grow food, I really cyhan pay duh much heed. C’dear, I barely mekkin’ it an’ I mus’ feed monkeys too? Till duh do somet’ing ’bout it, I gine lef’ it to de big farms to tackle de monkey problem, an’ de ethuh night visitors dat always payin’ duh a visit. Jes’ like de monkeys, de aut’orities cyhan seem to get de rid o’ dem neiduh.  
De cos’o’ livin’ ’pon evuhbody min’.  I had high hopes dat somet’ing positive woulda get done ’bout it wid dis new guvment we got, but as time start slippin’ by, an’ I en see neffin happenin’ – in fack, prices was only risin’ mo’ an’ mo’ high – I say to muhself dat I mussee misonderstan’ duh words, ’cause it en only food gine up, but wuhevuh else yuh could t’ink ’bout – all utilities, road tax, gasoline, evuht’ing.  
A few weeks ago, we had a town hall type meetin’ to discuss de food prices problem. All de various players – consumers, retailers, Customs people, small bizzness people, ministry people an’ anybody else dat mighta been interested, atten’ to air duh likes an’ dislikes. I din de leas’ bit impress, ’cause I know dat after all de arguments, not one price en gine drop. Ef neffin en happen up to now, why I should expeck it to change fuh de better, when all over de worl’ people complainin’ ’bout risin’ food prices? I read de ethuh day dat all out dey in China people strugglin’ wid dis problem an’ expeckin’ mo’ sharp rises in de comin’ monfs, so why all of a sudden prices gine drop in Buhbayduss jes’-so when duh c’n get duh onder control befo’?
All de unres’ in de Middle Eas’ boun’ to mek oil prices go up, an’ den we in mo’ trouble. De Egyptians get de rid o’ duh ruler, an’ seein’ dah, de Libyans tryin’ to do de same. An’ we en know hummuch mo’ gine rise up. Now, evuhbody know it is de Arabs dat got de oil, an’ howevuh high duh put prices, Western countries still got to buy it. So don’ leh nobody fool yuh; we in fuh a ruff time. I cyhan see prices goin’ down any time soon, an’ we could as well face it.
We gine jes’ ha’ to eat li’l an’ live long.
Tek care o’ yuhself,
Yuh frien’ Babsie