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Victoria Frank


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This means they must approach the issue of sexuality with utmost caution and clarity. One of the reasons some relationships are unfulfilled is because of the rapidity and anxiety with which the parties enter into the sexual domain. We all know the scenario: “Wham! Bam! Thank you, ma’am!” Lover feels emotionally deprived, while the other feels a sexual need has been satisfied.The best relationships involve two people who have worked hard to let the emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical aspects of their union develop at the same pace. A couple’s relationship gets muddled and off-course when they allow one aspect (most often, the physical) to get far ahead of the other aspects. Therefore, it’s important to think through a few principles of physical passion before you find yourself in a serious relationship.
If a couple genuinely loves each other, they will want to hug, kiss, and express themselves sexually. These desires are a fundamental part of everyone’s biological and psychological make-up. In fact, if you don’t feel your partner’s strong physical desire to be close to you, a crucial element may be missing. A lack of affection or desire for physical intimacy should raise a red flag in your mind.
Think of it as a chain reaction: sexual behaviour moves from the simplest kind of expression (say, touching your partner’s shoulder) to the fullest kind of expression. So the critical question becomes, how far along the chain can you go and still maintain full control of your sexual expression?
Every level of sexual experience is so immediately gratifying that it’s nearly impossible to be satisfied by previous levels. That’s why every new step of sexual expression must be carefully decided upon by both people. This may sound too rigid to many because it runs counter to the popular thinking in our society. But if sexual expression is allowed complete freedom, and if spontaneity is treated as a primary virtue, this expression will develop “a mind of its own,” without any concern for long-term consequences. Think of it as a gym session. On your first day, if you dive straight into lifting eighty pounds and trying to run ten miles, your routine will fail. But if you allow your body to become accustomed to the rhythm of a good training set, starting slow, your muscles become toned and not strained; and your physical appearance will soon be at its best.
Strongly defined boundaries therefore need to be agreed upon, and there must be self-discipline to stay within those limits. Otherwise, sexual expression can take control of the relationship and blind the couple to reality.  When sexual expression is not kept in check, the emotional, cognitive, and spiritual aspects of the relationship become slaves to the physical desires. Let me say it again: Physical attraction is critical, but it must develop in a coordinated way with the other aspects of the relationship. Any other method runs counter to the notion of a successful relationship!