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I CONFESS – I let him have his lover

luigimarshall, [email protected]

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HAVE you ever noticed when one thing goes wrong, another follows, then another, and another?
That is what is happening to me now.
First, my mother died; then four months afterwards I had to stop working because of back problems. Now I have to go and get tests done to find out if I have breast cancer because about a month ago the doctor felt a lump in my breast. 
To make matters worse, I am behind on all my bills – light, water, natural gas and telephone. I pay just the bare minimum to keep them on but I know I can’t do that forever.
I am so broke now that I can only eat one piece of chicken on two separate days in a week. As other fresh meat is too expensive, it is therefore totally out of the question. So for the other five days of the week I use canned food for meat and gravy like corn beef, tuna, mackerel and sometimes even luncheon meat.
Despite this hardship I felt happy to know that at least my two girls and their families are getting through without too many problems, and my boyfriend was still with me, even though our relationship is not what it should be because we don’t talk or make love like before
.Three weekends ago, though, I found out what I believe was the reason for his reluctance to be intimate with me. I found a condom in his back pocket. I found it when I went to wash his tracksuit trousers.
At first I got so angry that I was planning on calling him at work and telling him just what I thought about what he was doing. But after I calmed down I decided the best way to deal with this is to play foolish – you often find out more that way. So when I took the clothes off the line, I folded that pants neatly, put it into the drawer as I always do, but this time I left the condom on top of it.
I didn’t say a word to him about it though I was boiling to confront him. Two days passed and at last he took up that track pants. I know he saw the condom as it was right on top of it. But he didn’t say a word. In fact, as he was leaving, he hugged me, gave me a kiss on the cheek and said he was going by the shop to lime with the fellows and only had $20. 
I said no problem and behaved as if nothing was wrong. I tried to be easy but the truth is that I wanted to grab him and squeeze the living daylights out of him for horning me. 
Imagine we were together for 27 years, even built a house together, and now in our mid-50s he is playing around instead of saving his money for retirement and dealing with any health problems that may crop up. I keep asking myself, why are men so stupid that they can’t see a woman and not ask a question?
What had me so mad too was that we agreed to tighten our belts. That was why we were eating a lot of tin food, rice, macaroni and spaghetti to ensure we had a good bellyful without spending too much. Now here he is spending money on some woman, as these days no woman has a man unless he is spending on her.  
The remark about the $20 is part of the agreement we made to cut spending to a minimum as I wasn’t working and it would be folly to be spending a lot of money at the shop each week. But since that was his fun – sitting down and playing dominoes and cards there – I had compromised. So we agreed that at no time should he have more than a Prescod (a $20 bill) on him and he should not spend more than $50 a week.
About two and a half weeks passed and he said nothing about the condom. During this time I looked into the drawer each day to see if it was still there, and it was. Then last Thursday evening it disappeared when he went to the shop. So I put on my clothes and went down to the shop to see who he was with. 
When I got there the fellows he limes with were surprised to see me as I do not go by that shop, or any other for that matter. They told me he had passed through but said he had an errand to run and left. 
That night he never got home until near midnight. But when he came in he did not smell of alcohol, which he usually smells of when he comes from the shop. When he took off his pants and went into the shower I felt the pockets and he had no condoms. I didn’t say anything. 
In the morning I couldn’t hold my anger any longer. I asked him how he could cheat on me and demanded to know who it was and why he was doing it. He told me that though I may not believe him, he loves me and wants me to get well soon. He said since I came home hurt, each time we had sex, my back and legs would be hurting after – which is true. So in order not to hurt me anymore, he decided to go by a young girl and get fixed up. 
He said he understood how angry and disappointed I felt, but he wanted me to get better and if I just exercise and took my medication like the doctor advised, I should be fine. In the meantime he would get his satisfaction with no strings attached and would always be there for me.
Though I was vex, I didn’t know what to say. I hate what he is doing, but in a weird way I understand it because, to tell the truth, he is not easy to handle, so not having sex with him for a while would help my recovery.So, I have come to the conclusion that as long as he uses a condom and doesn’t go by the girl more than twice a month, and each time let me know when he is going, I can live with that. But I want you to carry my story so I can hear from others what they think about my situation.