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Keeping love alive

Victoria Frank

Keeping love alive

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The crash-and-burn is a short-lived “relationship” where one person says serious things and the other takes a cue from his/her intense behaviour and words, and it’s very, very, exciting and very promising and then it dies a quick death. If you’re a woman, here are some ways to keep your budding relationship normal and healthy:
1. Put yourself in charge of pacing him.
You need time to process the good and the bad stuff. If he’s already talking about the next five-star date, it’s easy to push away negative thoughts such as, “Why didn’t he tip our waitress?” Also, if he’s talking about sky-diving, you might think he’s thinking of marriage, because surely sky-diving is not something he would do with any old girl, but odds are, he’s just thinking of sky-diving. So manage your expectations – and that’s easier if you slow down. Pace him if you have to. He may talk with all the force of a Mac truck, but you are the red light. Don’t let him push, even if you’re excited. You can tell him you’re busy tonight – even if you like him. Take it easy. Take it all in. Process!
2. Don’t provide excuses for crazy-fast behaviour with, “It’s okay, this one is different.”
If this one is different, great! Time will tell. The one who turns out to be different will stay no matter what. You don’t need to help it along. Anyway, you are more likely than not to say, “This is different” . . . because we want it to be different. Who doesn’t want it to be different? You want to trust and believe in him, that this isn’t just about lust and sex – that he really cares so soon about you as a person. We see what we want to see. Ask yourself this: Is he working to gain your trust? Is he trying to build a foundation? Or is he just having fun?
3. Watch what he does, not what he says.
Is he talking about weddings already? Is he talking about “forever”? Guys can talk a lot. Talking is easy. You know the saying: women fall in love between their ears. Men know this. So they say what you want to hear. But a kind gesture or action takes effort, and is worth a thousand words.
4. Hang back a little.
I find that it’s usually the guys who are leading a crash-and-burn. Girls have to warm up to guys. Remember, the millionaire matchmaker Patti Stanger says, “Men are microwaves, women are Crockpots. Women heat up very slowly. They take in information; they decipher it . . . . Men know in one second, yes or no.” So don’t facilitate the momentum, or accelerate things, by volunteering to, say, rearrange your global tour schedule. Let him go out of his way. We’ll see how he does with No.3.
5. Make sure you have things in common.
Differences can be exhilarating – and a crash-and-burn thrives on exhilaration. But if you have nothing in common, or you’re too mismatched, or you’re 20 years old and he’s 30, well . . . start looking for things you do have in common.