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The ABC’s of L.O.V.E.

Victoria Frank

The ABC’s of L.O.V.E.

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There are things we want to know about in our romantic relationships – and then there are things we don’t want to know. We may think and believe that we want to know anything and everything about our partner, but the truth is – we are not ready and willing to accept the reality of lust, love and relationships- because if we were, we would not get so upset over so many things. Understanding the reality of love and relationships is the key that will help you achieve the true happiness that you claim you want to have in your life. 
So what is the reality when it comes to love and relationships? Freedom! 
Yes, that’s right. Until you accept this reality, you will never be happy. As soon as a relationship involves one or two people trying to change each other and control certain things, it is no longer free and love without freedom cannot really be defined as true love. You have heard it all before and have probably even said it yourself that love should be unconditional. You may have even told someone that you love them unconditionally, or have been told that you are loved unconditionally. 
The following are some truths you would normally want to be lied to over or in denial about, but can now understand and accept:
Your partner will not change! Yes, people do evolve and do make certain changes (or adaptations) in time, but there are also certain personality traits that a person will always carry. If you really want to be with someone, you have to accept right from the start that they are who they are. Entering a relationship with the hope and goal to change your partner in some way will only end in disappointment for you, not to mention your partner will eventually resent you for trying to change him/her – and will probably rebel too – or leave eventually.
Being in love does not equal blind! When two people fall in love, all they want to do is be with each other all the time. However, it is important to understand that just because you and your partner may be in love, it does not mean one or both of you will not still find other people attractive. This is normal and natural, but does not mean that you are all of a sudden less attractive to your partner. Love and casual attraction are very different and you should not feel threatened by this (unless your partner crossed the line in any way). So just enjoy being in love and building a life with your love and do not obsess about who he or she may find attractive. This will only turn you into a jealous person and will influence your partner to walk on eggshells around you and even lie.
Your partner is still an individual! Though you may be a “couple”, you are still two separate people. And while you both may share most things in common, there will still be certain interests and hobbies your partner will have and want to enjoy on his/her own- and this is not something you should feel worried about or offended by. Doing things separately from time to time and fulfilling your individual goals is healthy and should be supported in a relationship. So do not expect to be attached at the hip all the time – let your partner practice and enjoy individuality too!
As you can see, these are very logical and seemingly easy tips to follow but without the occasional reminder, we can all find ourselves having relationship trouble over these little logical things. So just give yourself a reminder once in a while and remember to acknowledge the truth of your relationship, rather than lie to yourself about how you wish things could be or how you think they should be.