Dear Christine,
After seven years of a very unhappy marriage and nearly three years separated, I finally got divorced last year.
The main reason for the split with my husband was his womanizing. This started after I became pregnant and had complications which caused me bad back problems.
As a result I had to take time home from work and could not have sex for the last four months of the pregnancy. During this time he started his flirting around.
After the baby came he was still into this lifestyle and from then until our divorce, he was carrying on his affairs.
Though this is not the reason I am writing you, it is important as it would help you to understand why I have a fear of getting involved again.
I met someone nearly two years ago who is the total opposite to my ex-husband. He is a kind, caring man and I enjoy his company very much. He has never asked me how I felt about him and I never felt any pressure being with him.
I know he is a decent guy because no matter what time I call him he is at home alone. I actually called him early hours in the morning just to test him. As he passed every test I eventually fell for him and we have been intimate for more than a year now.
Anyhow, my dilemma is that about two weeks ago he started talking about our future together. I never responded to him. Being the sensitive guy he is, he realised something was wrong and changed the subject. Since then neither of us has spoken about it but there is a tension between us that never existed before.
I care deeply for this man, but I don’t feel ready to consider living in a house with him especially since my divorce only came through a few months ago.
What do you think, Christine?
– LD
Dear LD,
You are very fortunate to have found someone to care for you the way this man obviously does. Many women would welcome such a positive attitude to commitment, particularly after they went through what you did. But it is obvious that despite what he is offering you, you are not yet ready to take your relationship to that level.
I would suggest that you tell him this as gently as you can. He sounds as though he truly cares about you and wants you, therefore I suspect he would understand if you prefer to slow things between you.
I’m curious though as to what you are scared about? After all, you have been intimate with this man for some time now, and according to you he is the total opposite to your ex-husband.LD, could it be possible that because you are not used to a man being open and honest about his feelings that you are having difficulties coping with this relationship?
My dear when your man genuinely cares about you and the relationship is running smoothly like yours seems to be, there are no mind games or manipulation – just straightforwardness. And I think this is what your man is about.
– CHRISTINE
