DEAR CHRISTINE – His only flaw is that he’s married
Dear Christine, I am involved with a married man.
We met after I struck his car and dented the fender.
The matter was settled amicably. He trusted me to pay for the damages and I kept my word.
It was during this time that he and I began talking and afterwards we became involved. I never intended to but he was so understanding and easy to deal with that I lowered my guard.
As I knew I would always play second fiddle to his wife and family, I broke it off with him. But three months later I gave in to my feelings for him and went back. I left him on two other occasions as well, the longest for 17 months when I was involved with someone who said he loved me but was cheating on me.
I must admit my married friend has been very good to me. He treats me with respect, he encourages me improve myself, and he never pressures me to do anything for him that I do not want to do.
More than all of that, I can talk with him; we can sit together in person or on the phone and just chat. That makes me feel very close to him.
Because he has helped me in so many ways and is the best friend I ever had, I do not know how to walk away from him.
I am now 33 and want to have a child, but with a husband, so I need to get away from him. But though I go out I don’t meet anyone really interesting who is single.
What can I do? Have a child for him and condemn myself to being a single mother? I don’t want that. I just can’t find anyone who is better than my married man.
I also have to be mindful that my biological clock is ticking, so time is against me. What would you advise? – AT A LOSS
Dear AT A LOSS,
It is difficult for anyone to walk away from the person they have grown to appreciate as a friend and a lover.
That is why you returned to your married man after leaving him onthree occasions.
But if you are serious about getting married, you must first end this relationship and establish your independence.
As part of that process you need to make new friends through going to places and doing things you may not have done before.
As long as you are involved with this man, you will not be able to establish any close friendship with anyone else.
So as hard as it may be, you need to turn your back on him and keep on walking, no matter how much you miss him.