DEAR CHRISTINE: Deeply hurt by married man
I made a big mistake and became involved with a married man. We were together for just over three years. During our relationship, we had a son.
I knew from day one that I was wrong to become involved with this man because he was already taken, but he and his wife were all but separated when we met. That is, though they were still living under the same roof, they had stopped sleeping together because she had cheated on him, and he found out.
When I came on the scene, it was nearly two months after they had split up. I found out this was the situation when he took me to his house – without saying that is where he and his wife lived – and we had relations there. She would see me sometimes but never spoke to me. I did the same thing.
Christine, I grew to love him, and from everything that he did I knew he loved me too. But fate intervened. His wife became seriously ill with breast cancer and she begged him to remain with her.
After that, he started spending more time with her. I had no problem with that because of the situation. But then, nearly five months afterwards, he called it quits between us. That was last September. Since then, all he does is send a cheque for his son. He doesn’t even come to see him, and when I call him, he refuses to talk to me. All he says is that we are over.
Christine, what I can’t understand is how you and a man can be this close, then just so he dumps you. I know that they were together for nearly as long as I was living, but I thought we were connected.
There is so much more I can say, but what I have shared is hopefully enough for you to understand the hurt I feel. I am so depressed.
– VERY SAD
Dear Very Sad,
I am truly sorry to hear of your distress. It is never easy when one invests in a relationship for it to end so abruptly, particularly when there is a young child involved.
From what you indicated, this man is much older than you, and he and his wife have been together for a long time. They, therefore, have the real connection. It is not surprising then that in the circumstances he returned to her side when she needed him most.
That is not to say he did not care for you.
I am sure that he did, but his wife would always be the priority because he never stopped loving her despite of what she did.
You are young and should try to get on with your life. But this time, steer clear of a married man.