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DEAR CHRISTINE: She goes all out for ‘no good’ man

BEA DOTTIN, [email protected]

DEAR CHRISTINE: She goes all out  for ‘no good’ man

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Dear Christine,
There is a saying “where have all the good women gone”, but there are still some out there. The problem is that their men don’t appreciate them and often treat them badly.
One such person is my good friend and I am writing on her behalf as she needs advice badly.
When people read this they may say that she is a fool, but she is one of those women who believe a child should be raised by both parents.
Christine, my friend has a man who does not know how to treat her. You see, he is well-known, had a lot of women in his time and still wants to be out there.
He says that he doesn’t have a foolish woman, so why can’t he show her that he does not think she is like that?
This woman cooks, washes, and does anything he says he wants done. She looks after the child well too, but I don’t think he knows how to show appreciation for her. Maybe he grew up seeing this, I don’t know.
This man has a woman that men who are looking for a good woman would die for. When you see his child always clean, you can see what she is doing. He too says she is very careful when buying things for the child.
Because of the way he treats her she is very unhappy, but does not let it show. She is what people call a house monkey – she goes out if she has to and catches a bus to go every place, though he has a car.
He does not even take the child to school and back home. Please advise my friend on what to do. He is my friend too, but I think he should treat her way better seeing that she is the only woman that cares for him.
– Advice Needed
Dear Advice Needed,
This sounds like one of those relationships where the woman puts up with her man’s abuse because she loves him, has a child for him, and is hoping that he would wise up and start treating her with the respect she deserves.
The man, on the other hand, will continue to behave in an irresponsible manner until something goes wrong and he has to depend solely on that woman. Or, he is jolted out of his indifference and disrespect because she leaves him.
Quite frankly I would advise your friend to leave this boy – as he is only a man in age.
I recognize that she most likely does not work, and this would be a major consideration why she puts up with his abuse.
I say abuse because what he is doing to her is psychologically depressing for anyone to bear, and anytime one person deliberately mistreats another in that way it is considered abusive behaviour.
A number of women who stand for this behaviour also suffer with low self-esteem. Such individuals need support, understanding and encouragement to help them recognize that they should not allow themselves to be treated like a doormat.
You are best placed to help your friend. Ask her why she stands for his behaviour? Encourage her to get a job or do something at home like raise chickens or sell food so she can have financial independence – whether or not he objects to it. Such self-reliance will boost her self-esteem and make her less willing to tolerate his folly.
Most of all, encourage her to speak with him about the situation, and if she is too scared, you raise it with him in her presence in a non-confrontational way. Ask him why he does what he does, and what she can do to make him feel better about her, as well as to treat her properly.
He will not appreciate your intervention, but what you have to say has to be said, and if he has any sense, he’ll listen and adjust. I hope this helps. Please keep us informed.
– Christine