Dear Christine,
I feel trapped. Please advise how I can get out of the mess that I am in.
I live with my boyfriend and we have a child together. The problem is that he is never at home. If it isn’t cricket on weekends, it is darts or dominoes or football or basketball, or just playing cards with the fellows.
Every evening he comes home after 8 p.m. because of having these things to do. And when he comes home, he expects to eat, watch TV, have sex and sleep.
He spends no quality time with me or his child. After three years of this I am just fed up. I have spoken to him about it, but all he tells me is that it is how he is and will always be.
He tells me that I am trying to control his life and change him after becoming involved with him doing these things. Though it is true I met him playing sports to all hours, that was when he was in his early 20s.
He is now in his mid-30s with a child, so surely by now he should take that into consideration.
Do you think that I am being difficult and selfish, as he says?
– FED-UP
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Dear FED-UP,
If anyone is being difficult and selfish, it is your boyfriend.
I agree with you that after ten years together and with a child between you, he should be spending more time with both of you.
I can never fathom how some men expect to work and then be involved in sports, community or church activities for hours, and still have a good home and family life. It doesn’t work like that.
Men who do this need to recognize that they have to spend time with their partners talking and doing things together to keep the romance alive.
Likewise, they have to spend time bonding with their children so they can get to know them.
You need to send your boyfriend a clear message that you are no longer willing to tolerate his attitude.
If he cares about you, he will listen and try to adjust his schedule.
If he dismisses you and continues his folly you may have to think seriously about the future of your relationship.
– Christine
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