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DE MARKET VENDOR: Bassa-bassa fuh so in de air

BEA DOTTIN, [email protected]

DE MARKET VENDOR: Bassa-bassa fuh so in de air

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Police await de arrival of a plane, passengers huddled into waiting police vehicles (no shortage of taxis) and transported to Oistins Police Station after a brawl in mid-flight.
Twelve passengers in an altercation on a flight to Bubbadus? One passenger thought it was an act of terrorism with people pelting punches at one another, and de poor crew members and captain trying to separate them and fighting going on fuh nearly an hour?
The part I like was a lady who supposedly said: “You swore in front of my child and it’s my birthday,” and repeated it over and over!
Duh! Iffing you don’t want to hear swearing, you coming to de wrong place fuh holiday. We is the swearing capital of the world!
A passenger who said that it was a horrifying experience said she suspected the offenders had quite a lot to drink. I notice too that she said the ruckus occurred in de back of de plane. Clearly, these were not Upper Class passengers; them will drink and go to sleep but these in de back want to be Evander Holyfield or Mike Tyson!
When de dust settle, three people get fine $22 500 – a 76-year-old man, he daughter who is 46 and son-in-law who is 49 years old. Apparently, dem was celebrating de daughter’s birthday wid some other friends on de plane when things went wrong.
Them lucky to get to stay in a stately hotel and not de hotel of state! The accommodations would be li’l different, de rooms li’l smaller, de AC natural and the contact wid de ocean would be a view of it. They coulda really spend that $22 000 pun some first-class tickets! Whichin remind me of some of me own experiences pun planes.
Like de time I did coming from New York years ago with two of de offspring. Ah did get to board first because of de children, but so too did a lady wid a small chile who did impatient to get past de Vendor. Hear she in a loud, big-mout voice: “Excuse me.”
“Just a moment, Madam,” I tell she as I try to put the carry-on with de car parts, battery, DVD player and microwave into de overhead compartment. De woman, without warning, barge past hollering: “Excuse me,” and when I tell she she didn’t have no manners she tell me to suck something.
“My, my,” say de pretty Bee Wee hostess, “I can’ believe she just said that to you.”
“Not to worry,” ah tell she. “I definitely not interested!”
A next time ah did gine to St Vincent wid some friends from Canada and before the door open, a Vincie lady, who from de accent like she did spend some time in England, shout out to me: “Get out the way!”
So sensing she mekking sport, cause de doors lock and nobody can’t move, ah look back and smile!
And then she start again: “Wha you deaf or sumt’ing? I said get out the way!” and then proceed to tell de Vendor: “And you so damn fat anyway.”
Well, she cross de line then, not that ah don’t have li’l size but she did now getting personal and, as my Guyanese friends (who can now stay in Bubbadus and now get free medical attention again at the polyclinics as long as they paying NIS and taxes) would say, I lather-rinse she backside. Ah tell she I fat but you ugly as . . . rhymes wid might and kite!
She did too damn fast wid she small-island self!
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now.
You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hearrrrr?