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DEAR CHRISTINE: He’s just living free off me


BEA DOTTIN, [email protected]

DEAR CHRISTINE: He’s just living free off me

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Dear Christine
I hope you are in good health. I read your column as regularly as I can and find your responses to be helpful because I myself am sometimes in similar positions. A case in point refers to the letter which was published in Dear Christine June 7, 2011.
Unlike the young woman, I am not the individual who moved in, but the male moved in with me. It started with him sleeping in on weekends, then once a week. Now it seems to be permanent. He says he cares but his actions show differently.
He hardly ever takes me anywhere and if he does it is somewhere with a friend of his. He is also always broke – at least this is what he says to me – and he hardly supports our child.
Whenever I raise this issue he gets upset and allows me to know he did not tell me to get her. He tells me I’m always accusing him of cheating. Am I wrong for not trusting him?
Before he gave us the title boyfriend and girlfriend we were great friends. We talked for hours on the phone as well as in person about any and everything.
We also laughed a lot. In short, we had fun. Then his ex-girlfriend, who is also his first child’s mother, began calling me on a regular basis, telling me about their sexual and other encounters.
At first, I told her not to call my house because she was rude.
On one occasion she told me she just needed someone to talk to. Being apparently naïve, I became her listening ear – giving her advice. She told me the two of them had sex on and off and indicated that when he and I were not together they were having sex.
I got upset and questioned him, but he said no. Since we were just friends at that time, I let it go. As time passed, he stopped going by her as often as before. They were always at each other’s throats.
Now that he and I are in a relationship, they appear to be much closer. They are always communicating with each other and he goes at her house for hours.
I am thinking he is cheating on me with her, but when I questioned him, he told me I am paranoid. Am I Christine?
He tells me he has to communicate with her about his child, yet Christine, when we were just friends he went through the child’s granny in order to deal with the child.
Am I wrong for not trusting him? I find myself losing feelings  each day he comes home late because I think he is cheating.
We are always upset with each other and we hardly have fun anymore.
Did I mention he does not pay any bills in the house, hardly gives me money to buy groceries . . . and when I ask him for money to buy groceries he gets really vex and shouts at me. What should I do?
– CSA
Dear CSA,
You seem to have found yourself in one of those binds where couples shack up, have no direction or focus and believe that somehow life is going to be sweet.
Clearly, now you have discovered this is not the case. Your friend seemingly has succeeded in using and abusing you – judging from your letter.
Why are you allowing him to live at your place, when he does not pay a single bill; does not support his daughter; does not contribute grocery-shopping and, along with all that, treats you like a lesser mortal?
The mother of his other child is clearly still in the picture and perhaps will always be in the picture since they have a child together.
If she told you they had sex while he was seeing you, why is he still in your house? Get him out and do so as quickly as you can. Why are you entertaining him?
Make provision – perhaps through the courts – to have him provide support for your child and start to think about your future.
It does not seem that you’ll find a future with him. You seem too nice a person to put up with his infidelity, abuse and lack of respect for you.
Also make sure you do not make the same mistake twice – no more living together again with anyone else until there’s a ring on your finger.
It does not mean everything will go smoothly, but at least you’ll be doing what is morally right, within a more committed relationship.
– CHRISTINE

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