I AM INCLINED, as one of your avid male readers, to follow suit and speak out on Deceitful Things Women Do, as was highlighted in your last edition.
I, too, have suffered much physical, verbal and emotional abuse at the hands of some hard-hearted, unkind and unreasonable women.
In a previous marriage I have been called a goat in the presence of my daughter by her mother; bitten in my side as though I was attacked by a pit bull – and I refused to land a right to her jaw; and had a hot saucepan cover planted on my chest.
Yet, when the relationship was over she led people to believe that I was a woman-beater. How much worse could it get? Subsequent to the divorce hearing, the lawyers met and she wanted every ounce of my pocket change for child support, and there I was defending myself in the presence of “my” lawyer. Even her lawyer had to tell her that in light of my circumstances her submission was not reasonable.
Thank God I struck fair.
I had my daughter in the initial stage of separation, but on her sixth birthday the mother came and took her away. I chose to let her go because I kept a level head, bearing in mind that it was best for the child, seeing that she was a little girl.
I was wrongfully accused of other relationships, and I later found out that she was the culprit with her boss, and that she was banking her money while claiming to have none as she had just started a new job – but a bank statement proved otherwise. That was five wasted years.
But even to this day, no matter what I do for my daughter, it is never enough for this woman.
Two years after that marriage ended, I thought I had met the love of my life in an attractive, seemingly Christian-minded woman. She had two children and I accepted them as part of the package. What attracted me to her was the fact that she always had her Bible open at her desk at work as though she was reading it, had a pleasant personality, and kept her Sabbaths.
The relationship had many challenges in the courtship stages – flirting with other guys, cellphone calls and hidden gifts – but I was blinded by apologies with a voice that sounded like that of an angel from heaven. After a little counselling, we got married and it lasted for one year – just my luck, because I paid for the wedding.
I moved from a beautiful neighbourhood to an area near her mother. I changed churches (denomination) to accommodate our family life. I was that giving, that loving – others may say that stupid!
Then the volcano spewed full blast. She continued her horning escapades. She became more aggressive.
I was now like a prisoner – from home to work, to home to church, with the two children who were not mine. But I cared for them as though they were my own.
When my daughter came over it was more fulfilling, but that was the basic routine. I gave up friends, both male and female, to calm her jealousy but this woman became possessive, checking my phone calls, throwing tantrums even in public. But she kept her male friends and girlfriends and email buddies even from other islands. I was the sheep in town.
If a female friend passed me on the street and said hello, she went to town with her questioning and if I did not say the right thing “de dog was dead”! Even the boys liming on the block expressed verbal disappointment at her behaviour, and that was her hometown.
Well, that came to an end through God’s mercies.
By this time I wanted to cause grievous bodily harm, but God’s hand was stronger.
That chapter marked wasted time, emotional abuse and public embarrassment.
The last woman that came into my life was a player. She was still sleeping with her child-father, and each time claimed he was just there to see the child. One time she gave me the story that he was hiding from his landlord.
She always wanted money or for me to bring her some lunch or pay a bill.
Once the child was really sick and I footed the $300 bill for doctor’s fees and the father was still horning me. But at least he had the courtesy to say thanks. What a fool I was, but I quickly learned.
Another man who owned “big rides” warned me not to get any closer, that he would always be running things because he had the dollars to count.
He told me no matter who her boyfriend was he would always have the “beef”. He told me that she would not change, that she would always be that way.
I respected him for his approach towards me.
I dare say he saved my life. All of this drama took place within three months.
So I got wise and retreated. It was very painful, because she struck me as a docile, caring, good-natured person.
I found myself in church with my eyes so full and flooded with tears. The recovery process was about to begin.
But I took the blows and I survived these episodes and am much wiser and happier now.
Every day I pass the Psychiatric Hospital and I give the Father thanks that He kept my mind and steadied my hands.
Men, you can be strong. Just walk away and live. God is a healer!
I still have my smile!
