DE MARKET VENDOR – This is real news fuh de world!

IF IT WAS A TV advert, it would run like this: After 168 years, News of the World, de Jewel in de Murdoch crown of newspapers, closes down suddenly!
But wait, there is more! This paper, wid over  7.5 million readers in de final edition Sunday, the News Corp-owned paper, say it was very, very sorry fuh all de wufless journalism that it was found guilty of! But wait, there is more. The reason they close down so suddenly is because they get exposed fuh hacking into the phone records of British servicemen killed in Afghanistan and even the records of a young girl murdered in Britain and of deleting relevant information from those records.
But wait, there is more. Them did hacking into everybody phone records, even politicians. De only reason News Corp closing it down now is because advertisers in droves cancel all contracts wid them.
But wait, more coming. Dis is over two years that the story broke, so all dis sorry talk now is bare crocodile tears.
But wait, yes, there is more. El Jeffe himself, Maguffy and chief gorriliphant of News Corp, one Rupert Murdoch, arrive in London pun Sunday and it seem that the real reason he closing down the Jewel, which he had to know fuh at least de last two years was doing wuflessness, is that he trying to get controlling interest in BSkyB television in de UK and right now things looking grim fuh de takeover wid de leader of the opposition telling he No, Rupert, No, we don’t want you in control of Sky TV.
Media expert Claire Enders say pun BBC that News Corp only shutting it down because of pressure, but look fuh it to come back as something else, a new name like the Sun on Sunday!
Then there was the CARICOM Heads meeting and some interesting words coming from de chairman Dr Denzil Douglas, who say that de whole of CARICOM need a comprehensive overhaul to get the regional movement into high gear, an admission that we been in low (translate slow) gear all now!
In de next breath, de chairman come up wid an amazing statement. While endorsing the vision of the founding fathers, he said there was a need to slow down their intentions!
“The challenges unfolding around the world call to slow the pace a bit and look at a more realistic calibration of where we need to go in the integration movement”.
Slow down, he say? De ting nearly dead from lack of movement but he want to slow pace? Pace, muh brudder, is speed! Wunnah constipated! Calibration? Yuh is an engineer now? Wunnah did idling now fuh a long time and not in the mechanical sense! 
After all dese years, you don’t know where you going ? He say de Single Market and Economy must be tackled in stages to become a reality and that we stuck in the market stage! Ole talk! wunnah stuck all right, but in bare Do Do!
After all de millions and millions of dollars in taxpayers’ money, fancy building and hundreds of high-priced staff, that is the best you could come up wid, sir? Hear de man again: “Let’s put a hold for the moment on the realization of the Single Economy. Let us get right all of the issues pertaining to the attainment of the Single Market.”
Well, at least that is an admission that so far they been getting things wrong. No wonder Caribbean people feel that CARICOM is a waste of time! Add to that the Heads of Government Conference!
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?