DEAR CHRISTINE – 14 and have feelings for two
I AM 14 YEARS OLD and I have lived with my grandmother from a baby. For about four months now I have been in a relationship with this guy whom I like very much.
He is four years older than I am. He does not pressure me into doing anything, but recently he has being talking about us having sex.
Although I want to, I am holding back because my grandmother is not aware of our friendship and she does not want me talking to boys. In any case, she would not approve of him because he is outside my race. Added to that is the fact that my ex-boyfriend is still part of my life, and I still have feelings for him.
Christine, I really care about this guy and losing him would be my worst nightmare. I do not know if not having sex with him will break us apart. He is always saying he will wait on me, since he does not want me to regret anything.
I have told him already that we would have sex.
I said that because I believed it would bring us closer. I now think it is my fault that he brings up the subject of sex, that I raised his hopes too high and that I am now backing down. This is why I want to have sex with him.
I trust him.
When I am out with him and his friends, they always have something to say about their sex life but we are both virgins and have nothing to share. If I was in his position I would feel bad. I honestly don’t know what to do. Please help me. I think I am putting myself in trouble.
– WORRIED ABOUT LOSING HIM
You are playing a dangerous game and yes, I agree that you are getting yourself in trouble.
You are way too young to be talking about having sex with this young boy and at the same time having feelings about boyfriend No. 1. From what you’ve said, you believe that by having sex with him you’ll be able to hold on to him and share stories about your sex life.
Dear child, you are entertaining a lie. Your world will not become a paradise when you have sex with him, neither will it fall apart if you don’t. You are yet young and should be paying more attention to your education.
While I am not one to believe in race differences as it relates to friendship or love, there are sometimes consequences and you will not have your grandmother’s blessing. Such a relationship could put added pressure on you.
You will not find any long-term satisfaction by giving in to this young man. If he loves you despite the race differences, he will wait until you are old enough. However, I would rather you save yourself for the person with whom you’ll want to spend the rest of your life.
Tell your friend that while you have feelings (of some sort) for him, you are not prepared to have sex with him, and stop playing with his emotions. If he does not accept the stand you take, say goodbye; he is not the one for you.
Hold on to your virginity until the right person comes along.
It won’t be the “puppy love” you’re feeling right now, and you won’t feel like rushing ahead to have sex just to keep any young man who fills your fantasy.