I DON’T UNDERSTAND women. I just can’t figure out how to please them. If you’re kind and gentle with them, they take advantage of you. But if you’re rough with them, they tend to cling to you.
If you’re honest with them, they don’t trust your forthrightness. But if you’re secretive and do things behind their back, they tend to believe in you.
That’s why I’m so confused. I don’t know what’s the right or the wrong way to treat a woman. I’ve been hurt by some when I was nice, but when I acted out of character and treated others badly, they cared about me. Figure that out!
And it’s not only me. Other men I know have told me how they experienced the same thing. A good buddy of mine used to treat a girl real good. He paid her rent, gave her money each week and took her out. Yet she used to horn him left, right and centre. And when he asked her how she could treat him so, despite how good he was to her, she cursed him and told him to go home to his wife.
But would you believe that same woman picked up with a man who used to beat her, was a womaniser, hardly gave her anything and used to drink and get on badly? Yet that woman loved him to a fault.
It is because of this attitude that I really don’t take on all the complaints that come from women, especially single ones. A lot of them abuse the men who are really interested in them, but throw themselves at men who only want sex from them. I am convinced of that and my own situation is a classic example.
My wife and I were married for six years, and everything seemed to be going right, except for the fact that she could not have children. We discussed it, we prayed over it, then we decided to adopt. But when we were about to take the plunge, she changed her mind.
With no reason as to why she had the change of heart, she said she needed time to think it over. No problem, I thought, as it was a big step.
Now, during those years together I was not unfaithful to her. I never thought about it and, as far as I knew, she was never unfaithful to me either. You could say we were a model couple. Though we didn’t go to church on a regular basis, we didn’t curse or go out partying, drink a lot or smoke. We just lived a simple life and loved each other. That is why I felt my relationship was solid.
Then, a few weeks after changing her mind about adopting, my wife began accusing me of having another woman and saying that I was not satisfied with her as she could not get children.
Though I told her that was not the case, she insisted it was so. From that day we had more quarrels than we had conversations. She was going at me all the time. Just so, our relationship took a nosedive and I could not find out why.
Then, one night, about three months after she changed her mind about the adoption, I came home to find a pillow and blanket on the sofa. But they were not for me, as I first feared, but for her!
She decided that night she was swapping our bed and me for the living room suite. No matter how I tried to reason with her, her mind was made up. Since that night, we have not slept together.
Okay, you might ask, what did I do to cause this major breakdown? And the truth is, I just don’t know. And believe me, I have tried to find out.
Communicating our true feelings about issues was never our strongest point in all the time we were married. So when I kept insisting that she come to bed and she kept saying the opposite, we both got fed up and stopped talking to each other.
I still don’t know if I supposedly did something wrong, or if she had an affair, if she was regretting the fact we never had children instead of a career, or both. I don’t even know if it was a case that she just stopped loving me or that she never did. The most I got out of her was that she wanted space.
Well, when I explained all this to my buddies, they told me either she found out that I was having an affair – which I wasn’t – or she was having one and felt guilty as she didn’t know how to tell me.
I accused her of having a man, and, surprisingly, she broke down and admitted that she did. I never would have believed it if somebody had told me.
But what really hurt me was when I asked her why she had a man on me when we had invested in a mortgage together. I will never forget how she looked at me and said that she loved the man. He understood her and I didn’t.
I, who was involved with her for eight years, did not understand her, but a man whom she had met only months earlier did.
What hurt me even more was who the man was. He wasn’t somebody who made more money than I, dressed better than I did, had some place to put her, or could do anything for her. He was a carpenter who had an old car and looked really rough.
She left me and had to go and live in a rented house with a man whose wages were less than hers. What she saw in him I would never know. But that’s women for you. Who can understand them?
