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Tek de dun and guh ‘long

luigimarshall, [email protected]

Tek de dun and guh ‘long

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IN TODAY’S SOCIETY, many things are immediate – fast food, ATMs, online purchases – and the turnaround time is thus much quicker.
Some people apply such speed to their dating processes and prefer to “cut their losses early” rather than prolong any kind of dissatisfaction in their amorous relationships.
However, not many folks can cope when the end ultimately comes, hence the popular tune of the season that tells us we should move on with our lives rather than make both parties miserable in the process.
But what if you have challenges letting go? How can you simply “go long”? Is it even possible?
Most people had relationships in their past that didn’t work. Most people have at least one such relationship that is very hard to let go of. This is the one that got away, but shouldn’t have, right? This is the one that felt as if it was meant to be. This is the one that felt like true love yet just would not work. How do you let go of a relationship like this?
When your partner in that relationship was at his or her best, he or she met all of your needs. S/he was the perfect fit for you. If s/he could have been that way with you 100 per cent of the time rather than just sometimes, you would be in the relationship still.
The times s/he was everything you needed are hard to let go of. You have been looking for that kind of love all of your life.
Here was a person who could meet your needs the way you have always wanted. You knew s/he could, because sometimes s/he did. But s/he wouldn’t. You wanted to make, force, remind or talk him or her into it.
You did everything possible to make him or her the way you wanted all of the time. You may have asked him or her to go to therapy. You used all of the tricks in the book to evoke the behaviour you wanted.
Finally you left the relationship. You knew you deserved better than just some fraction of what you wanted. But the attachment to your ex lingers. It lingers because you never succeeded in making him or her fulfil your needs completely. It feels as if you failed.
It is not easy to move on to another relationship after such an experience. It is not easy to attract love, or give your heart to someone new. It is hard to believe you will have such love and passion with anyone else. At the same time, it is hard to trust that you will somehow avoid hurt the next time around.
It is so much easier to let go of someone when it is clear s/he doesn’t care about you. So how do you do this? To let go of your past relationship, you will first need to forgive your ex, forgive yourself, and understand that his/her behaviour was not your fault. Understand that all that s/he did, the good and the bad, comprise the totality of this person. Sometimes s/he was wonderful and sometimes s/he was horrible. And all of the time s/he was the person you cared for.
Secondly, do something to honour and cherish the true connection between the two of you. In fact, you may need to honour that connection for a long time.
How do you honour the connection to your ex? Honour your love and connection in prayer, in your heart, in your thoughts, and in your actions. Use the gift of the connection as an inspiration to find more of that kind of love in your future partners.
When you are ready, send thoughts of peace, healing and joy to your ex whenever thoughts of your past relationship cross your mind. Whenever you miss him or her, send him or her your love. In this way you can still love him or her while keeping your distance and protecting yourself from his or her hurtful behaviour.
The reason to honour your connection is not to somehow bring your ex-partner back. Instead, by honouring the good of the relationship, you become free of the anger you feel towards him or her.
By honouring the gifts s/he gave you instead of focusing on what s/he did not give you, you will begin to feel peace and gratitude.
And freeing yourself of anger at your ex will give you the ability to move on and deeply love another person.