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EVERYTHING BUT: Garlic-piaba . . .

Ridley Greene

EVERYTHING BUT: Garlic-piaba . . .

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Garlic, apart from being a great pork seasoning and a receptacle of health benefits, wards off evil spirits and keeps bad vibrations away.
If you carry around a pod or two in your wallet or pocket, you will never go broke; and, on top of that, you will confound your enemies.
You wouldn’t have, like the Psalmist David, to put the Almighty in the embarrassing position of considering your exhortation against the enemy: Let his days be few and his bishoprick another take, and let his children be continually vagabonds and beg for a $2 bill, and let the extortioner take all that he has, and let none grant him mercy . . . .
Garlic can save much of this awkwardness and make your wishes come true.
Apart from acquaintance with some health properties long claimed of garlic and with its use in herbal medicine, I had no idea that garlic’s healing powers encompassed that of the broken heart; that it had brought back many a horned man from the brink of suicide. Not until I met John.
I knew garlic had been hailed as a herbal wonder drug for centuries, with a reputation for preventing everything: from the common cold to the bubonic plague, but I didn’t grasp that it produced the same effect as social necromancy – not until I met John.
Amongst the innumerable good things garlic served up for my friend was the disappearance of his acne and the absolute control of his blood pressure and his cholesterol levels. For John it was even a highly potent mosquito repellent.
While his wife bitched about being stung by the invasive creatures at night, he slept peacefully – having digested adequate portions of the vegetable and having being rubbed down with a copious amount of its oil.
But garlic’s magic takes the cake. Most of us know that if you are going to take out a vampire for evermore the stake which you will plunge into the vampire’s heart must have its tip dipped in garlic oil. Anything else and you yourself are dead meat.
John showed me the two garlic pods in his wallet and several in his car trunk, and the others strategically placed under the seats of his big ride.
On the face of it, garlic seemed to be the vehicle to success.
I had heard or read somewhere that basil, planted by the doors and windows, kept evil spirits, bad luck and burglars away – with some help from a sprinkling of Jeyes Fluid at the perimeter of your lot; and that mandrake root in your wallet or purse ensured you never suffered lack of money. But here was John seeking to convince me garlic was far better; that it did the work of basil, Jeyes Fluid and mandrake all in one.
Did you know garlic has been seriously deemed an aphrodisiac? John told me you don’t need Viagra or Cialisor Levitra; that the aromatic pods work just as well and you don’t have to worry about an erection lasting more than four hours. He said you go from flaccid to solid to placid.
I once asked him where he got all this knowledge from. He said he was a lodge man. Apparently, the oracles in masonry aren’t stingy with information to hallowed members.
I used to hear the more precocious of my mates at primary school expressing hope for much more largeness of their person. I heard them talking of measuring it with a broken stalk of the cassava and planting said stick. You could expect the same length as height of the grown stalk.
I often wondered what would happened if they went back to the wrong new plant. I had a different imagery of Jack And The Beanstalk.
The option was to take same male member and beat it against a pawpaw tree trunk. It got bigger much more quickly – painfully so. I couldn’t figure out why these dunderheads couldn’t wait until they had grown up; their person was going to be larger anyway.
John said garlic wasn’t that popular among children back then, its being restricted to gravy and pepper sauce by parents.
John has since left us. Garlic failed to assail his respiratory problem. So readers should not take any of this to be advice on any of their health problems.
Readers should go to their own doctors!