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I CONFESS: Abuser may hurt son too


BEA DOTTIN, [email protected]

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There are other kinds of abuse besides physical and sexual abuse – for example, verbal, emotional and mental abuse.
I was in a relationship with a police officer where I felt I could not discuss anything that was bothering me.
He would criticize me, humiliate me in public and undermine my self-esteem. He shouted so that people would notice that he was quarrelling with me – he likes to show off.
He used to ridicule me for expressing myself. He tried to keep me from my family and friends. He would lock up his computer, tell me to turn off the fan, and order me not to touch his air conditioner.
He so dominated my life and everything that I did that, eventually, I started losing confidence in myself. And that suited him just fine because his sense of masculinity depends on a woman’s dependency on him.
He was extremely possessive and jealous as well and his explosive temper could be triggered by a minor question like, “Where is the Squeezy?”
He used to beat me badly. He would beat me so much that sometimes I nearly became unconscious. My head used to be spinning, my hands and feet were numb, and I couldn’t move.
He ran up the electricity bill, then came demanding money from me. The same $150 he gave me, I would give him back. Though he used to refuse to take it, saying that he was a policeman and worked for more than me, whenever he got vex he would still demand that money.
I would feel obligated to have sex just to avoid an argument. I became pregnant and things got worse. This man wanted to isolate me for six to eight weeks after my baby was born.
When I was pregnant, he told me that if the baby was a boy, it would carry his full name, and if it was a girl it would have to be named after his mother – and that was that. My view did not matter.
When I decided to leave, he chucked me in my neck and in between my breast and threatened me.
Also he took up the garbage bin, put it in a bag and told me it was mine. He packed my things and threw them outside.  
Despite all the physical, emotional and verbal abuse I went through with this man, I have forgiven him and moved on with my life. But he has not. I believe that he is now using our young son as a weapon to spite me because I left him.
This is an example of how he has used my son: recently although he knew the child had a cold, was on medication, and had seen a doctor, he carried him to the polyclinic for a check-up because the boy had a fever that had lasted almost five days straight. He was also wheezing, had a throat infection, was not eating or drinking properly, and was on five different medications.
While my son was there, he received an MMR vaccine even though he did not have his green book. The polyclinic had no right to give him that vaccine. I contacted other polyclinics and doctors and they said he should not have been given that vaccine.
When I spoke with the nurse and I told her what was going on with my son, she replied that the father did not tell her anything about what was going on with the little boy, only that he had a slight cold.
Another thing: I told him my son drinks all juices except the acid ones. Yet he continues to give them to him.
He would have him for nine hours on his off days and all he gives him is Horlicks and formula.
He gives him nothing to eat; not even water to drink. He doesn’t even brush his teeth.
The other thing is that he brings him back nasty most of the time, soaking wet in urine or with stool on his chest. He cuts the child hair every time he has a cold and sometimes within a two-week period. Then the cold gets worse or sometimes he develops a bad cough.
What I don’t like too, is that when he cuts the child’s hair, he bruises up his head. Isn’t that child abuse?
He is supposed to return my son for 6 p.m., but keeps him longer without asking me anything.
To make matters worse he turns off his cellphones and lowers his landline’s ringer volume so that no one can get in contact with him.
He gives me no more than $300 a month, nothing else. So I have to buy diapers out of that same money. I pay all of the nursery fees, buy his clothing, shoes and food.
I try my best to communicate with him for our child’s sake, but he does not say anything to me unless he has to. When he comes to collect the boy, he doesn’t say anything; he doesn’t want to hear anything. And he always behaves aggressively.
I fear this man is going to hurt my child.
I did not say his son because he is not being a father to him.

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