DEAR CHRISTINE – Married men all the same
Why are married men so cruel?
A married man talked his way into my life and I fell for it. He had the same old story like many others. He said his wife was married to her mother and she had no use for him besides what he provided materially; he said she was just using him.
The way he spoke about his wife, she seemed like such a bad person that I disliked her and felt sorry for him. Christine, he won my love and affection and then started to play games with me. He made excuses for not seeing me and refused to call.
I realised what he was doing and told him to forget me altogether.
He said he could not and told me he really loved me and that I was the only one for him. He convinced me that his wife would never leave him.
But everything he said has been a pack of lies. Christine, this man lies every time he speaks for more than two minutes and he thinks I do not know that he is lying.
I believe you would tell me to leave him but you know that human beings have emotions that cannot be switched on and off like a light switch.
What he is doing hurts me and at times I feel so depressed. I did not write to ask what to do because I know your answer would be to leave him.
What I will do is advise all women, before you become attached to these married men with their sad stories and promises, to let their wives know. Either write to the wives or phone them so the men will either go back to their wives or leave them.
If the problems are minor, they will work things out and you would have saved a marriage.
If they are too big to solve, they will make a decision and choose the woman they want. No woman should be asked to share a man.
It is so easy to blame the other woman, but men surely know how to convince and trick even intelligent women. And this happens often.
You have certainly learned a lot from your own mistakes. All of us are entitled to make mistakes since that’s the only way we often grow and can then advise others.
I join with you in hoping that women who are being courted by married men will be wary of all the tales they tell in order to get their way with them. The very fact that they keep their wives and families suggests that is where their priorities lie. I don’t think married men are cruel; I think the women who fall for them do not really like themselves.
If you are prepared to be a second fiddle in such a relationship, you should be prepared for its limitations. Do not expect more than stolen hours. The moment you start to demand more, he will run and run very fast. All he really wants from you is pleasure; he has no obligation to stay.
You are right in saying that I will advise you to leave him alone and try to find someone of your own. Right now you are living in bondage. Choose freedom by giving yourself a new start in life.