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SECRET’S CORNER: Raising their child?


Carol Martindale

SECRET’S CORNER: Raising their child?

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What a tangled web we weave!
Hearing of men and women having outside relationships is nothing new. In fact, it has become very commonplace in our society.
Sad, but true. As common as it is to cheat, the reality is that not all cheaters get caught.
But when they do, there is hell to pay and consequences to face. Worse yet is if the woman gets pregnant and has a child.
The hard cold truth is that while you can ignore  an outside affair, even if it was flaunted in your face, it’s not that easy to ignore a child produced from the relationship.
The tangible presence of a child is a constant reminder of your partner’s infidelity and cheating ways. And that’s not an easy pill to swallow for many. A woman would need to have a big heart to accept and embrace the child of an adulterous affair.
While many women continue to love their philandering partners and forgive them (for the most part) for stepping out, not many will accept the child. (Let’s remember too that unprotected sex would have led to the mistress becoming pregnant).
Then, there is all the “baby mama drama” that will follow.
Be prepared for the baby’s mother constantly, with her tentacles reaching into your relationship which is already under some strain.
The reality is that your life will also be affected by this child.
Some women have found it in their hearts to forgive the man and accept the child, recognizing that the child is innocent in this sordid affair.
Understandably, though, many will walk away, leaving the man to sort his life out with his new child and mistress. A lot of women are not willing to live with the stress, the doubt and distrust they now have about their partner.  
One forgiving woman is the subject of this week’s Secret’s Corner question.
The question was: Your partner cheated and as a result, his “girlfriend” got pregnant. He, however, apologized for his waywardness and you forgave him. Now that the child is born, the mother says she cannot keep her and wants her father and you to raise the child.
We asked readers what she should do and this is what some said:
• I would forgive my partner and help him raise the child. It’s not the child’s fault that the mother is unable to give her what she needs.
• I would help my partner raise the child. The child did not ask to be here.
• Run! Once a cheater, always a cheater. Let him raise the child.
• I would have to adopt the child legally as my own and send that baby mother packing. There’s no way she could come back because there would be no visitation rights. Get lost.
• Any child is a blessing. Once I had forgiven my partner and he had accepted his responsibility, then I?would embrace the child because she’s part of your partner and didn’t ask to be here. Jah bless the woman who is strong enough to raise another’s.
• I would have sent him packing long time so, technically, I would not be in this position.
However, if I had ended up like this, I would legally adopt the child because there is no way the mother would be able to come back and cause drama. If the man has a problem with that, he can take the child and roll out.
• First of all, 75 per cent of women wouldn’t want to see a man if he cheated, 95 per cent wouldn’t want to see the man if he had a child with somebody else, and 99.999999 per cent definitely wouldn’t even think about bringing the child in the house.
• Most women would raise that child on the condition that the woman gives up her rights and gets out of the way forever.
•  The child is an innocent bystander in the mess created by two cheating adults. If blood relatives on the mother’s side are unable to care for the baby, I would consider adopting the child, provided I am financially able to do so.

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