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IN THE CANDID CORNER: When divorce stinks!


Matthew Farley

IN THE CANDID CORNER: When divorce stinks!

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Things that defeat you seem to jeopardize your whole life’s framework . . . . – Aaron Brook
There are some marriages in which divorce is inevitable while there are others in which it is a big mistake.
The knowledge of which it is, only comes after the fact. While most people think men can cope with divorce as if they are some emotionless automations, the statistics show this is not the case, as a range of issues and problems crop up from men who cannot handle this new life or those who try and handle it badly.
Many men are known to suffer from addition, depression, haunting guilt, anger issues, anxiety and, in extreme cases, suicide.
It is enough to make you want to save your marriage now even if it seems worse! Men have been seen as strong only because they hold emotions in more than women and while some may not admit it, men rely on their wife for emotional support so much that when they are gone, they do not have a support network around them to cope.
Women, on the other hand, are very good at building these networks which is why they often cope much better than men. (http://Ezinearticles.com)
The United States has the highest divorce rate in the world. The current rate there is 4.95 per thousand. Britain shares the same divorce status in Europe with a rate of 3.08.
According to www.mediate.com/articles/psych. divorce is a common factor in western societies.
It is also noted that in developing nations and Third World countries, divorce is still a social taboo.
Given the divorce laws, access to the dissolution of marriage is more readily available in the United States than in Europe.
While Jamaica’s crime rate is higher than Barbados’, we outrun the land of reggae in our divorce rate per thousand. The statistics rank ours at 1.21 per thousand and Usain Bolt’s country at 0.38. In spite of China’s population explosion, the emerging world nation enjoys a divorce rate of 0.79 per thousand. Sri Lanka enjoys greater marital stability with a rate of 0.15.
The most significant impact of divorce on the entire family is the trauma of separation. It is often said that the grieving from family break-up is comparable with that from a death within the family. There is a sense in which much of the family dies as a result of divorce, regardless of who is right or who is wrong or whatever the cause may be or who files.
In a sense, therefore, divorced life is less satisfying than married life in that it is associated with increased depression, loss of partner, loss of hopes and dreams and lifestyle. Most of all, the financial reality of divorce is often hard for some families to comprehend and some individuals never return to real financial stability.
The research indicates that men are usually confronted with greater emotional adjustment problems than women as a result of loss of intimacy, loss of social connections, reduced finances and the interruption of their parental role and function.
The strongest reason for resisting divorce, if possible, is the devastating impact it can have on the children of the marriage. The stronger the pre-divorce bonds, the greater the trauma. Where children have enjoyed stable, affirming and emotionally safe households and parental relationships, the trauma is even more painful and discomfiting.
The divorce rate among American couples is hovering around 50 per cent. The splitting up of the American family has become a serious issue with very real social, economic and cultural implications.
According to Craig Thornburrow, “divorce also has a great impact on the development of children, and if handled poorly, can result in children feeling isolated and insecure”. In extreme cases, the children may even blame themselves for the divorce, something which has a devastating impact on the developing child’s self-esteem and social learning.
Dr Robert Hughes, who is an associate professor and extension specialist in the Department of Human Development and Family Science at Ohio State University, has done extensive research on families at risk due to divorce. He has found that children from divorced families are more likely to have academic problems. They are more likely to be aggressive and get in trouble with school authorities or the police. These children are more likely to have low self-esteem and feel depressed.
However, there is evidence to support the view that once communication remains open between estranged parents, children can still thrive and achieve their life’s potential (http://Ezinearticles.com). It also found that while men are initially more negative about divorce, they devote more energy in trying to salvage.
So that open communication and attempts at salvaging the relationship are ways to reduce the instances in which divorce stinks.

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