DEAR CHRISTINE – Workmate wants to be playmate
I am a female in my early 20s, and I have some concerns about my love life.
You see, I have had my boyfriend in my life for almost three years now and the relationship is wonderful.
We do not fight; we understand each other and everything is going great – more than I could pray for.
However, I got a job in late November of last year and when I did a friendship between me and one of the employees started. It was a wonderful friendship, until I found out how he really felt about me.
Even though I knew how he felt, I continued to speak to him and eventually got feelings for him; feelings that I did not want to have in the first place.
We talk every day.
We eat lunch together sometimes, and we talk before I leave for home as I leave before him. We even hug each other.
I want to know if this is considered cheating on my boyfriend, because it makes me feel guilty sometimes and makes me wonder if I am cheating.
Together, we have an amazing relationship and I do not want to mess that up. However, I also cannot bring myself to stop speaking to the other person.
Am I wrong to have feelings for this man?
No, you are not wrong to have feelings for this other person. Feelings come and go, but we do not have to give in to them.
Temptations will come, but we do not have to fall under them. What I will tell you is that if you continue to play with fire, you’ll get burned.
Right now you are playing with fire, and you should stop by limiting the amount of contact you have with this “other person”.
The more you talk with him, eat with him and even hug him, the more you are encouraging him and pushing yourself to the point where there may be no return.
Treat him as you do your other colleagues, without giving him any special attention. He is a mere man – just flesh – and someday he may expect much more from you if you continue to be so liberal with your acts of “friendship”.
He has already told you that he is interested in you. Why put his level of self-control to the test?
The mere fact that you have written this letter and that you are feeling guilty tells me you know you should stop fanning this flame.
Talk to this guy; tell him you are in a committed, happy relationship and that you do not want to do anything to jeopardise that relationship. Be frank, honest and open. Let him know you think it is best that you do not spend so much time together.
The guilt will go, and you’ll feel better with yourself for nipping the situation in the bud before it gets out of hand.