DEAR CHRISTINE – Not keen on a surrogate mum
I usually love the advice you give to those who write to you. My case is perhaps very different from some you have heard before, but here goes.
My husband and I have been married for the past ten years, and were never able to have children of our own during that period.
We both had tests and they showed that I will never be able to give birth but my husband on the other hand can have children.
I am 32 years of age.
Christine, we have discussed the possibility of adopting a child but my husband is not too keen on this. He wants for me to agree to a surrogate mother.
I understand this to mean that his sperm would be placed inside the surrogate making the child his.
Of course I understand from watching television that the surrogate’s medical bills and so on would be taken care of by us, and some type of money would be paid to the surrogate mother.
Christine, it is true that I want to have a child really badly, but I am not happy with this suggestion.
I believe the surrogate mum may not be able to break free from bonding with the child and may wish to keep it at the end of the day. I am a bit concerned and a little confused about this. What should I do?
I understand your own concerns, as well as the desire of your husband to want to have a child whom he can truly call his own.
At the end of the day you and your husband must come to an agreement with what you both feel is best for the relationship.
This is a very delicate matter, but I am sure the brilliant, legal minds across Barbados would be best able to guide you.
Both of you should speak to an attorney, who will educate you on what the law permits. (I am taking it for granted that you are Barbadians or at least living on the island). If you are not, then you should follow the laws of the country where you both reside.
In any case, there should be a written, legal agreement between the surrogate mother, you and your husband, which would not permit her to keep the child.
In some cases the surrogate mothers are never known to the couple.
Get the legal advice and lessen your concerns. When you both realise all the finer details and costs, your husband might consider adoption to be less complicated.