SECRETS’ CORNER – Sex and boredom
WHILE YOU MAY LOVE YOUR HUSBAND, there are times when his performance in the bedroom may be a little lacklustre. But what’s a woman to do when her husband’s lovemaking doesn’t quite “measure up”?
Bad sex can be likened to one of those boring lectures you had to suffer through at college.
You don’t want to fall asleep, so you have to stay there and endure to the end.
When you’re a young wife, recently married, a boring sex life is enough to shatter your expectations of marriage. Does the woman keep quiet and hope things get better? Or should she be blunt and tell her husband how to really get her groove on?
That’s the scenario one young wife faces in this week’s Secrets Corner. Her dilemma: How do you tell your husband that he is bad in bed but avoid a major break-up as a result of that confession?
This young wife wanted to hear other women’s answers to this question. Obviously, many women suffer that dilemma, often in silence, and like her, are unsure how to handle it.
As one respondent said: “Seeing that you know what good sex is, teach him – tell him what you like, where to touch you, how to touch you. When he touches a spot, encourage him if you like it.”
Another woman added: “It is perhaps your fault why he is bad in bed. You women leave everything up to a man, it is your own fault if you can’t turn on your husband to the maximum.
“My late husband could never wear that tag ‘not good in bed’. You have to teach a man how to make proper love and the type of love-making you expect him to perform on you.”
A respondent said: “Personally I am sure that would make the husband feel bad, lower his confidence and that could cause even more problems. I would show and teach and him what pleases me.
“Anyhow, at the start of any new relationship you both have to get to learn one another and what you both like or enjoy, and take things from there.
“Practice makes perfect and to be honest, although it is good to have a good sex life, sex does not make the relationship!”
Another online reader said: “Maybe the woman is an excellent partner in bed, but some men are of the mentality that they know what they are doing and that they are the best thing on God’s earth, so the sex continues to be boring.”
Another woman added: “Not all men are animals when it comes to sex. Some men are gentle, some are rough, some have staying power and the list goes on. This young wife must let the young husband know what she wants.”
But a woman does have to be careful who she talks to about her bedroom business. Along with your words coming back to haunt you, it can have disastrous consequences if one doesn’t get the right advice.
One respondent: “If he’s bad in bed he would not be my husband in the first place; being a great performer in bed is absolutely a requirement.”
But perhaps the most salient piece of advice came from a woman who’s been married for years.
She said: “I hope that people do not encourage this young wife to walk out on her marriage. All that might be needed here is good sound advice from a mother, a grandmother or a grandfather.
“My advice to you, young lady, is, you keep working at it. Obviously if it continues to be boring, you might have to pluck up the courage to discuss the problem. One day he might get it right.
“What is going to happen when he can’t get an erection? You will surely leave him. Sweetheart, you have to take the good with the bad. Good sex is important in a marriage but it is not everything.”