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THE AL GILKES COLUMN – Game P is the latest

Al Gilkes

THE AL GILKES COLUMN – Game P is the latest

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This is for men, the ones who have something to shake.
Quite often while having a beer or two at an after-work lime or a regular party, we get the inevitable and often uncontrollable urge to relieve the bladder before the bladder embarrasses us by relieving itself.
When that urge comes, we excuse ourselves and speed-walk to the nearest washrooms, making sure that in our hurry we do not enter the wrong door.
That happened to me one night at the former Paradise Beach Hotel and I only realized my mistake when just as I was about to pull up my zip, I heard a gaggle of female voices with American/British accents entering and setting about to do whatever it is that women do in washrooms.
Fortunately, female washrooms do not have urinals, for obvious reasons, so none of them could see me inside the enclosure. So I held my breath and resolved to wait it out until they had left and then make my exit as quickly and inconspicuously as possible.
Unfortunately, the band decided to take a break at the very moment and in less than a minute, the room was babbling over with white women. One attempted to open my door, then a second and a third. Then I heard one voice asking: “Are you all right in there?” I could not answer.
Panic. Suppose, I thought, they became convinced that one of their own had fallen ill behind that door and called management (Richard Williams was running the place at the time). What excuse would I have for what could be construed, at best, as the action of a peeping Tom or, at worst, a possible rapist hiding in the ladies’ washrooms? Suppose security called the police and I got arrested on suspicion of one or the other?
But luck was on my side that night because right there next to the toilet bowl I found a plunger. And without a second thought I picked it up, held it out in front of me like a soldier with a gun during Independence Day Parade, opened the door, boldly stepped out and turned the shock on their silenced faces to gratitude when I announced: “Good evening, ladies, I have fixed that toilet so you can use it again.”
A chorus of thank yous followed me outside.
Now back to where I was about to tell you that men will soon have computer games to play while standing over urinals, instead of having nothing to do but watch the flow or stare at the wall for as long as a minute.
This latest technological innovation was recently tested in a bar in London and proved to be both popular and profitable. One of the co-founders said he was not sure how the public would have reacted but he knows now he is on to something good.
“The game was designed to create a valuable opportunity from the 55 seconds the average male spends while he pees. There is an advert before and after the game promoting a drink you can buy at the bar.
Players (pee-ers?) can also post their scores via cellphone to Twitter or to a live leader board so they can compete with their friends.
What a thing!
Al Gilkes heads a public relations firm. Email [email protected]