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Ugly side of my ex-lover

as told to Sanka Price

Ugly side of my ex-lover

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I HAVE REAL difficulties with the hypocrisy that passes for Christian charity at this time of year.
Yes, it is good that companies and people who are well off give to the less fortunate, but I feel they should not do it for the public to know. When you care and are motivated by such feelings, you do things because they are the right things to do. You shouldn’t do it because it makes you look good.
Likewise I despise men who, when they give expensive gifts, must let all of their friends and just about everyone else know what they have done. Men like that are not genuine, and the gifts they give are really about them and their ego being satisfied.
Unfortunately, I was involved with a man like that a few years ago – a man who spent a lot on me; he paid for the house I rented and took care of all the car payments. All I had to do was to pay the household bills, which weren’t too high.
The downside of that relationship though is that he felt he owned me. He felt he could do anything to me anytime and anywhere. He used to speak to me harshly, and on more than one occasion slapped me on my behind hard, no matter where we were or who we were with. In private he would slap me in the face and force me to do things if I refused.
He treated me as if I was a slave – no exaggeration.
For example, we went to a party one night and began to drink. I told him I thought he should stop as he had to take home a couple of people and so had a lot of driving to do. He cursed me right there. Then he grabbed me afterwards and kissed me and began laughing. After that, he went back drinking.
I was totally humiliated. I felt sick to my stomach, so much so that I had to go in the bathroom and vomit.
The worst thing he ever did though was to allow another man to look at my body while he held me down. It happened one night when he was bragging to one of his friends how good I look and how sweet I was in bed. The other man was just staring at me; he had one of those “wutless” grins on his face and from the way he looked at me you could see he was saying to himself that he would love to get at me.   
My boyfriend saw it too and came behind me, pretended he was playing with my shoulders then, suddenly, held both my arms and told his friend to lift my dress. I was only wearing a G-string underneath so the man saw just about everything. After he had a good look and they both laughed, my boyfriend let me go.
All I could do when he let me go was to cry. I shouted at him asking how he could do that to me. He cursed me and told me to shut my mouth or he and the man would have sex with me. With that I ran into the bedroom and locked the door.
From that day on, I hated him and within days I left him, the house, and car behind me. And I did it a couple weeks before Christmas when I was sure to get an expensive chain and pendant that I wanted.
I never looked back either, though he called and came by my mother’s house. I was never that foolish, because I know that I could have been raped that night and no one would have believed me if I complained, as my man was there. They would say it had to be consensual. They would have viewed me as nothing more than a slut, and I am worth much more than that.
I found the courage to leave him because I realized he didn’t care anything about me. I was simply a good looking woman whom he thought he owned and could treat as he liked. To him, his money and gifts gave him control over me, and by letting other people know this, boosted his ego while he demeaned me.
That is not what love is all about. I got trapped into that because I believed that when a man says he loves you and takes care of your financial means, then that shows he really does care. I know now that that is pure hog wash!
I don’t blame him for what I went through though; I blame myself. I allowed him to have power over me because I loved the gifts and attention he gave me. And I paid the price through humiliation and abuse.
I would tell any woman to never let a man treat you with disrespect just because he gives you something. And based on my experience too, I would advise you to always try to earn your own money and stay close to your relatives no matter what.
If I was totally financially dependent on that man I would never have been able to escape his clutches. And if my family and I were not speaking, I would not have been able to go back by my mother’s house, either.
I would admit that I was somewhat naive when I got into my failed relationship, and maybe I still am, but what I know for sure is that as a woman, you should never put yourself in a position to allow people to exploit you.