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To tell or not to tell


CAROL MARTINDALE

To tell or not to tell

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Sometimes in life you have to “see and don’t see”.
Oftentimes too many of us give our mouths too much liberty to comment on things that simply are not our concern.
A word to the wise would be “Mind your own business”.
Simple. Very often people get caught up with other people’s lives, their lifestyles and turn a blind eye to their own, even when it is turbulent and rough.
It may well be that focusing on the lives of others proves to be a useful distraction, albeit one that could be detrimental to all involved.
This caution has come in the context of this week’s Secrets’ Corner question posed by one of our male readers.
He asked How do you tell  your wife that her younger brother, whom she believes in and adores, is gay and that is why he can’t keep a relationship with any woman; and that’s why, too, he prefers to hang out with his male buddies.
How is this any of this man’s business, and how does this affect him, his wife or his marriage?
Stay out of it!
Your wife’s brother’s lifestyle is not your concern. It is his life, and, hopefully, he is happy.
This man is also free to hang with whomever he wants whether male or female.
 In life we cannot make choices for others. We can only choose for ourselves.
In any case, you are a little too presumptuous thinking that it is your right to tell your wife that her brother is gay.
This is just not your story to tell – it is his.
It is his life, so it is for him to determine when and who he should tell about his gay lifestyle.
You need to focus on your own marriage and avoid causing possible conflict in your wife’s family.
Who is to say that she doesn’t already know or already have an inkling about her brother’s gay lifestyle?
She may already know and choose to ignore it, or she may well be dealing with it in her own way.
So again: mind your own business.
Our Facebook readers also had some stern advice for the man.
• “If he wanted her to know, he would tell her himself. Stay out unless or until the brother asks you to intervene. This has the potential to blow up in your face.
If he wants your help in telling her, that is another story. Besides, how do you know he really is gay?”
• “Unless his sexual orientation directly affects your marriage, what does it have to do with you? Just leave it alone.”
• “You don’t need to do anything – it’s none of your business.”
• “It’s none of his business to say anything. The sister may already know. Remember blood is thicker than water. Stay out.”
• “This has too little information provided. It depends on the disposition of the wife (Is she understanding or a homophobe?); her relationship with the brother (Are they close?
If so why didn’t he tell her himself?); and how you came to find out (Did he tell you, or did you hear it on the “street” or catch him with a dude?). But without all that information, I’m with the others and say, mind your business and keep it moving.”
• “How does he know for sure he is gay? – unless he in a relationship/ had an affair with him.”
• “Brother-in-law needs to mind his own business.
Don’t be so fast. Does he know for a fact that he’s gay, or is it mere speculation?
It is up to his wife’s brother if he wants his sister to know about his “homosexuality” or not. If hubby feels it is any of his business, then perhaps he should have a discreet word with his brother-in- law to come clean with his sister and leave it at that.
Or is hubby in the outing business?”
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