DE MARKET VENDOR: Lastest news: CBC folks feeling blue
Caribbean Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) is now shaking up de old Pine trees and bringing out a bold new edgy image. Weather news, especially outside hurricane season, is generally same ole same ole, fair to partly cloudy with a chance of isolated showers, some of which may be heavy and thundery.
There is the chance of sea swells, bathers should exercise caution and small craft should listen for advisories. Yuh could fall sleep listening and watching de weather. Not after last week.
The weatherlady was doing her thing when all of a sudden it sounded like audio from a hard porn movie was overtaking de weathergirl, bringing the weather to a fitting climax! Not dat de Vendor know ’bout dese tings! CBC news just got real interesting!
Imagine children asking parents fuh explanations, “Mum, what are those noises?” “Ask yuh father!” “Dad, why are those people making those noises?” “Ask yuh mother!” De once boring CBC Evening News might now be X-rated, and children will henceforth not be allowed to watch.
De competition just get rub out ’cause every night now people watching the CBC News to hear and see de next instalment of the Weather Blues!
If dis is a marketing ploy then it wukking – de Vendor is now a big fan. CBC Evening News does start wid de slogan Credible, Committed . . . . This Is The CBC News.
Well, ah got to tell yuh dat wha I hear was definitely credible. In fact, it was so credible that it was incredible and as fuh committed, dem people who did grunting and groaning did definitely sound committed to whatever dem was doing! How can CBC come better!
Maybe the weathergirl will promise 12 inches . . . of rainfall, that is! De ting did pun YouTube in no time, de Weather News gone viral and people all over de world BBMing and Whatsapping de Vendor telling muh “Market, once is not enough!”
We don’t know de facts yet, but I guess heads gine roll but somebody better come and tell we de real story behind de sexy Weather News. Will there be an internal investigation? Will we see men running? Will CBC explain de naked facts to we de public? Was de action live or recorded?
Was somebody previewing new programming fuh late night adult time? $40 million of taxpayers to prop up CBC and dis is wha we getting? Matters need to come to a head and soon! Dis got to be real embarrassing fuh de minister and de board. Who gine write de Press release? De Vendor willing to help wid de spin:
“Following is a Press release from the Caribbean Blues Corporation. On the night of such and such 2012 during the Weather News, we experienced some challenges with our audio feed. We assure the public the grunts and groans heard were in no way associated with any sexual activity, either live, delayed or recorded. We have matters in hand and are probing deep to find de source of de agony.
“Early indications are that it could be someone seeing de accounting results fuh de year! Another suggestion is dat de survey results showing Starcom wid 56 per cent of the market led to de exclamation ‘We are screwed!’
“We hope to complete investigations before Crop Over dis year so that calypsonians do not write a lot of smut about the Caribbean Blues Corporation. The corporation remains virile and firm – some would say hard in its conviction to get to the bottom and de top of this matter. When we come, we will come good. We assure the public of dat!”
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?