AWRIGHT DEN: Yuh too selfish
Pride has the ability to keep us hungry, poor, in bondage and in misery.
If we are sick, we find a doctor; if we are overweight, we go to a dietitian or join a gym; if our car stops working, we find a mechanic. In most areas in life, once we don’t have all the answers or a solution to a problem, we seek help but there is one area that we tend not to take this approach with: our relationships and marriages.
Some of our relationships and marriages are filled with so much pain, disappointment and regret, and yet we refuse to go to the people who can help, mainly because we are too proud and selfish. If we could fix the problems on our own, guess what? – They would already be fixed.
On Friday evening I listened to a Focus On The Family podcast with comedian and pastor Mark Gungor, who was speaking on the differences between how men and women think. Although he was quite hilarious, he gave some interesting points, which I want to share with you.
Mark began by saying: “I am absolutely convinced that marriage problems are the easiest problems in the world to fix. Personal problems that affect the marriage – that becomes very complicated.”
Since marriage can only exist when two people come together, this thought makes a lot of sense. In addition, pornography, low self-esteem issues, alcoholism, flirting, abusive speech and actions are all areas that hurt and can destroy a marriage but they are not marriage problems, they are personal problems. You may think that something is wrong with your marriage but that may very well be a wrong diagnosis. Something may be wrong with you.
Think about it. Many if not all marriages end because of one thing: selfishness. In each marriage, it may present itself differently but at the end of the day, divorce arises out of total selfishness.
It’s amazing that Jesus often spoke about “dying to oneself” and “putting others before yourself”. This may seem strange to some but it has the potential to radically change your relationships. We often say, “How can I get my wife or husband to do this?” It’s generally all about what we can get out of the relationship.
Mark said, “Do you know how easy it is to get along with a dead person?” You can ignore them, they never get upset, and they don’t shout at or belittle you. It may seem funny but I think you get the picture.
Many people have been deceived to believe that once they marry the “right” person, they will be totally happy. Mark stated in his presentation that the concept of a soulmate is based on Greek pagan mythology.
Disappointingly, the church has taken this pagan concept and, like many other things, spiritualizes it and teaches that God has this one special person just for you who will meet all the desires of your heart; we know them as the one.
I am not a theologian, but I have never once seen this concept taught in the Bible and as a result I have concluded that it isn’t biblical. “If there was one person in the world who can meet all the desires of your heart, trust me, God will keep that person as far away from you as possible. Why? Because God is a jealous God and he wants to be the person who meets all the desires of your heart,” says Mr Gungor.
The principles of a successful and fulfilling marriage – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control – have nothing to do with the couple. These principles are so powerful that they will work with any two people.
Due to their excellent counsel and teaching, Family Heartbeat Ministries and Focus On The Family have radically transformed me as an individual as well as my marriage and continue to do so. If they work for me, it is possible they might work for you too.
Remember, it is impossible to have a perfect marriage with imperfect people.