I CONFESS: Gave his wife hell, now I’ve seen the light
No one knows what the future holds, so people should try to hold on to a partner if they recognize that man or woman truly loves them and treats them with respect.
It is easy when you are in a relationship to find fault with the person because familiarity breeds contempt. But the truth is that everyone has good and bad points. So the best way for each of you to proceed is by letting your partner know what you like and don’t like about them, and then working together on those areas to grow your appreciation for one another.
I am sorry if this comes over as a lecture, as I am not trying to do that. I just want to share the wisdom of my years. I do this with the knowledge that some will read, take it to heart and try to improve their lives together.
At the same time, some others will dismiss me because they will see no value in any advice other than what they believe and their best friends tell them. And they will proceed to do everything opposite to what is suggested only to end up a disappointed, bitter and lonely individual later in life.
What gives me the authority to say so? Been there, done that. That is why I can say what I’m saying today.
What changed me was when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour. From the time I became washed in his blood I got a different perspective on life. I was able to see my wickedness for what it was, and I became ashamed and changed my life.
It was not easy. In fact, four years, nine months on, I still have thoughts about doing certain things, but when I do I get down on my knees and pray. I beg Jesus to hold my hand and walk with me and, if need be, carry me through such times. So I struggle everyday against temptation.
Truth be told, it is not easy being a Christian because it seems the devil works overtime to entrap you. And when you live a life like the one I used to live, then there are all sorts of skeletons and inducements he can use to entice you back into that life.
In my case he sent my second child’s father, the married man I was involved with for 11 years. After promises for years to leave his wife for me, he finally did it nearly four years after he and I had finished, and just months after I had accepted Christ.
The devil knew how much I loved that man because under his instruction I did some nasty things to get his wife to leave him.
I used to bite him and scratch him during our lovemaking so she would know who really owned him. I used to call her and tell her what he did to me, and when she hung up I called her cellphone and left the message on her voicemail. I gave that woman hell!
But she would not leave him. She used to tell me that I could say and do what I wanted with her husband, but she was not going to leave him until her children both reached 18 years old. And true to form, she did.
The devil knew I had loved this man because I only left him when it was clear his wife wasn’t going to let go, and he was not man enough to leave her with the house.
After him I had five different men in quick succession. I was looking for love and marriage and had no intentions of taking my time to build a relationship like I should have.
My approach to these men was different – I knew what they wanted and I told them what I expected. They made promises; we dealt with each other. On each occasion, though, I realized that I was either being used or was not getting what I wanted. So I walked away.
I realize now that I was just on the rebound and that was why I was so slack and loose. It is something I would never again lower myself to.
It was at that time, the lowest point I ever felt in my life, when a man I worked with but never fancied saw how unhappy I looked and invited me to church. He kept on at me until I agreed.
To be honest, I always thought he was gay as he has this “soft” look. But it wasn’t that. He is just a quiet, decent, unassuming character who walks with God. It was he who introduced me to the wonderful life-changing experience that I would always be grateful for.
Beyond that, he taught me that a man can be a friend of a woman, even being her confidant, and not become intimate with her. And he has been like that with me because he is happily married, not because he likes men.
From what he and his wife told me about their lives before they got to know Christ, they were just like me – wandering souls searching for love in all the wrong places. Then they found each other and worked on themselves and their understanding of each other to develop a strong bond.
That is why I would advise everyone to work at their relationship; give it your all by talking with your partner. Share your feelings, be honest with them about everything, and if they can’t do the same thing, separate.
If you don’t approach life like that, you will probably find that you’re always being miserable and quarrelling, always having your expectations dashed and growing old without ever feeling fulfilled.
As I said, been there, done that. And I will never go back to that.