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Monkeys got ya sick

rhondathompson, [email protected]

Monkeys got ya sick

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I really hope the Ministry of the Environment make haste and do something ’bout this monkey situation because I gine tell ya, it is very serious and getting outta hand too.
Now, you and I know dat the vegetables in the market, supermarkets or ’longside the road does cost a arm and a leg just fuh a few li’l things and it ain’t nuh better wid the fruits neither.
Since most o’ we fruits now outta season, in order fuh we tuh eat any kinda fruit, we gotta buy the foreign ones and dem, like evah thing else, expensive as France. The cheapest things tuh me is apples.
We also know dat people have been encouraging Bajans tuh make the effort tuh get a few seedlings and do up a li’l kitchen garden in duh yard, by the side o’ duh house or if duh ain’t got nuh kinda space at all, then get a few old tyres or a half o’ can, some soil and drop in a few things like herbs, carrots, Chinese cabbage, lettuce, okras and peppers.
I mean the kinda crops dat ain’t too hard tuh grow, ya understand? It would definitely cut down pon the food bill; ya would get a sense of pride and satisfaction when the time fuh reaping come, knowing dat evahthing is home-grown and wid-out chemicals.
But now, dat is one side o’ looking at it ’cause while you out there brekking ya back in the sun and the rain morning noon and night, picking out weeds, watering and trying tuh keep the African snails at bay, duh got other predators who does be watching you as you toil and sweat.
Duh got the ones who does wait and come wid bags in the night when duh think you and the family fast asleep. But the other ones bolder and more daring than dem. Dem is the ones dat does come in bright daylight fuh evahbody tuh see.
Dem is the ones who does pick and eat as duh go through the crop like you invite dem. Dem is the ones who doan bring along just one other body tuh help dem wid the reaping.
Dem does bring a whole group, a whole village, a whole community, a whole gang and entire families, babies and all. Duh name monkeys.
Nice neighbour
I know what I talking ’bout. I live wid dem on a daily basis. You think dem sweet? I got a very nice neighbour who love tuh be outside just digging up in the ground and whatever I plant she does get some and the same goes fuh her. So last year I plant a few carrots, some sweet and hot peppers, seasoning, what we does call chives. My neighbour had pumpkin, peas, bora bora and a few okras planted.
Well, you would not believe it when I tell you dat long before the carrots could grow as big as my li’l finger, dem wicked buggers had dem pull up and pelt one side?
Doan talk ’bout my neighbour at all. As soon as the blossoms come out pon the pumpkin vine, they would pick dem off just so. They would sit down on pon the fence, shell and eat the peas. Well, the okras and bora bora ain’t get too far neither ’cause duh mek dem grunt.
Now, if they would eat some and go long, it wouldn’t hurt suh much but what really hurts is when you see dem biting up you good crops and pelting it back there pon the ground just so because duh bellies full now but, doan fear, you could bet ya bottom dollar dat the following day dem gine be back there fuh more and tuh torment you all ovah again.
And you telling me dat ya shouldn’t get rid o’ half o’ dem? The newly appointed Acting Chief Agricultural Officer said the other day dat raising the bounty pon the monkeys from $15 was not as easy as it sounds.
He went on tuh talk ’bout more issues dat the Ministry of the Environment had tuh look at, like dem being an endangered species and a whole lot o’ long talk because the monkeys probably doan bother he. But the last thing in the article dat really cracked me up was when he said dat they will have tuh find out what is the increase in the population of the monkeys.
Now please tell me, how in the name of Heaven he gine evah know the monkey population? Wunna gine line dem up tell duh tuh keep still and count dem? Well, I nevah! If wunna want help in getting rid o’ dem, just gi’ me the gun. I could bring in a good ten at a time. I ain’t frighten and I know me and my neighbour would be able tuh enjoy the fruits of our labour.
• Mavis Beckles was born and raised in The Orleans. She has an opinion on everything.